....what my brother's would say to me when I was a 1/5 their size. Getting beat-up hurt a lot.
I remember we would pretend that we were in the WWF (I know, I know, we were young, give me a break), and I always wanted to be Andre the Giant. Remember that guy?? He was a freak. Of course Chris was Hulk Hogan, Pete was Jake the Snake Robertson, and I think Matt was Razor Ramon....and then me, Andre the Giant....the littlest guy in the group, picking the biggest guy in the WWF. That's right! So, we would create-a-makeshift ring, and proceed to get my ass kicked....from the top-rope, to close-lines, kicks, chest slaps, etc., etc. Me to one of my brother, "I hate you guys, and I am going to beat you up now!" Yea, ok. Them to me, "What did you just say to me?...that's what I thought!!!"
Fast-forward to junior high. We all thought we could kick some serious ass, and we just moved from Chicago to Massachusetts, so we totally thought we were the big men on campus. My brothers used to invite their friends over, and we would have boxing matches anywhere we could...basement, front-yard, garage, driveway...you name it, punches were being thrown. Again, my ass would get kicked whenever I was to fight my brothers, but something interesting happened when I boxed their friends...I was beating them! I don't know how, but I was kicking some serious ass! They would always be in the background saying "go Dave, go, go, go!!!" literally cheering me on to beat their friends up....and I did....it honestly got to the point where I would say to them, "what did you say to me?...that's what I thought!!!" I was so cool!
If you saw me today, you'd probably say, "I think I can kick Dave's ass.." as I'm reminded how frail I look from the tri-athlon training Jenna and I did, and whatever other madness, or flavor of the month training I put myself through....but I'll tell you right now...it would never happen, at least not with some damage.
My brothers gave me a gift looking back on those days...the gift of never quitting, but more importantly, toughness. But not from the standpoint of beating people up (I never felt good about beating their friends up), but from the standpoint of never giving in. Follow me with that......it's not about beating people up, but rather about not giving in...some can call this a 'chip'....I call it 'necessary'.....and especially right now (as you can see, I'm in the heart of Level 2!! See previous post).
I was reading an article today that said that people between the ages of 21-35 are considered the lost generation. That includes me, and probably a lot of you too.....that pissed me off so much...but is it wrong? Does it piss you off? You see, many people believe what their told...they give in, they accept. Here's a few responses I'm sure have come up, probably even today, "The economy sucks," "My job sucks" "I'm told I suck" "Suckity, suck, suck!!"
ENOUGH!!! C'mon! WTF are we waiting for....to prove them right? That's BS, you know, and stop accepting it.We're better than that....all those people out there who guide us like sheeps, such as "get a mortgage" "I guess I'll go onto Facebook because there's nothing else" "Get a job, loser." Enough, enough, enough.
Starting right now, this very moment, if you are between the ages of 21-35, commit to yourself, to the one's around you, and even reply below (because a goal or commitment doesn't count unless it's written down, and others know about) about how you are NOT a lost generation, and that you refuse to accept this bullshit.....how? Set goals...set 1 goal, and achieve that 1 goal. Visualize your success, what you want to do, and how you're going to do it! Write it down, store it away, and in 30 years when anyone else or asshole that try's to knock our generation, and the bullshit they put us through, your response is going to be "what did you just say to me?....that's what I thought!!!" because of what you were able to accomplish, and against all odds.
You with me? That's what I thought!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
the love of a teammate and the heart of a champion
Do you remember a moment in your life when everything changed?
When you woke up one morning, and realized life will never be the same?
How did you respond?
There I was on a Summer Friday afternoon, and I just finished my first week of work and classes...finally just finished getting my apartment all setup, and looking forward to our senior season (damn, those apartments were dingy). It was the beginning of the summer 2005, and in Easton, Pa, it gets hot in a hurry. I was pumped, I finally had a credit-worthy internship to look forward to, was taking an extra class, and was in the best football shape I had ever been in. It's funny when you become a Senior football player...you enjoy a level of confidence only gained through 4-years of blood, sweat and tears...a feeling of conviction, of pride, of determination....and for the guys that were fortunate enough to either stay healthy, or if they were healthy, have the courage to stick it out 4-years, there was a special bond of appreciation that you know you had earned and now share with your fellow comrades. For some reason, I have this vivid memory of the calm this gave me on that summer day. It was peaceful to a degree, and allowed me to be thankful for my first 3 years leading up until that point. I finally felt like I matured, and was ready to be the leader my teammates and fellow classmates expected me to be.
My brother Chris was also getting married in one week. I was so excited! I always looked up to Chris (yes, the same Chris in a lot of my stories), and was so proud of him as a big brother, as I am sure if you have older siblings, you've probably felt the same as they approached their weddings. My brothers and I were all in the wedding, too, and really looking forward to supporting him on his big day...he was the first of us to tie the knot! I headed home that afternoon to be on time for Chris' bachelor party on Saturday. First things first though, have to get my stuff ready for work Tuesday (Monday was Memorial Day), and workouts Tuesday afternoon (yea, a little obsessive, I guess). I always hated coming back from trips and having to sprint and get ready for the next day...this way, I could just come home and relax.
I get to Boston, and of course, the homecoming was as expected...warming. Wake up nice and early Saturday, and we went to the driving range during the day (Chris loved the driving range, even-though we all kind of stunk up the place), and rented a limo for the night. It was a pretty low-key bachelor party, actually. Pretty much just limo and dinner...but being just us brothers, things usually got out of hand quickly, so I think it was for the better.
Come Sunday. Do I go home now, and have a night where I can chill, and just prep for the week, or do I stay, and head home tomorrow, Memorial Day?
Ring, Ring...Brian,"Nelly...it's Marc's birthday, and we're going out...let's go!"
Me, "I'm in!" Looks like I'm heading back Memorial Day after all....
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The New York Times
EASTON, Pa. - Lafayette fullback David Nelson walked into his off-campus apartment in early August, two months behind schedule.
The place was exactly as he had left it Memorial Day weekend. Clothes for the first day of his summer internship as a management trainee were neatly laid out on his bed. His gym bag was packed for the start of the off-season workouts he had expected to lead as a team co-captain.
Those plans evaporated early on the morning of May 30, when Nelson nearly died after he was stabbed in the chest when he stepped in to break up a fight between a friend and a stranger in downtown Boston.
Luck, rapid medical attention and diligent rehabilitation had brought Nelson back to where, remarkably, he was cleared to play again. But he had been so focused on recovering that he had not really dwelled on what had happened to him.
Then he opened the door and saw the mundane evidence of how brutally his life had been interrupted.
"I sat down and cried," said Nelson, a sturdy 5-foot-11, 235-pound, 22-year-old senior from Dover, Mass., with a crew cut and clear green eyes. "Then I thought: 'O.K., you got it out. Let's go.' And I put on my shirt and shorts and my gym shoes, and I went to work out.
"Football, for me, marked living my regular life again."
Nelson has started all 10 of Lafayette's games this season. He is the lead blocker on running plays and has 17 catches for 186 yards and 2 touchdowns. The last score, a 13-yard reception last week at Holy Cross in front of his family and friends from the Boston area, helped cement a 41-21 victory and maintained Lafayette's hopes for a Patriot League championship.
Lafayette (7-3), Lehigh (8-2) and Colgate (7-3) are all 4-1 in the conference going into today's regular-season finales. The Leopards can earn their second consecutive automatic bid to the N.C.A.A. Division I-AA tournament if they beat Lehigh on the road and Colgate loses at Georgetown (4-6).
If Lafayette and Colgate win to tie for the conference title, Colgate, which defeated Lafayette, would advance.
Nelson was stabbed during a night out with high school friends. As they walked toward a parking garage near Faneuil Hall, a man in a car yelled insults. Words were exchanged, and the man circled back, jumped out of his car and began to threaten one of Nelson's friends.
When Nelson tried to intercede, a fight broke out. The man stabbed him, got back into his car and fled. No arrest has been made and the case is still open, said Officer John Boyle, a Boston Police Department spokesman.
Nelson's friends tied a shirt around his chest. One applied pressure while others, including Villanova safety Brian Boyson, begged cab drivers at a nearby taxi stand to take them a few short blocks to Massachusetts General Hospital. Two drivers refused, but a third agreed, with Boyson screaming at the cars ahead to clear a path.
The knife had pierced the pericardium membrane and the right ventricle of Nelson's heart. The bleeding rapidly swamped his heart, preventing it from pumping, a condition known as tamponade. Nelson was still breathing, raggedly, but Boyson said he felt Nelson go limp as he helped him out of the back seat.
By the time the unconscious Nelson reached the emergency room, doctors could not get a blood-pressure reading or a pulse. They opened his chest, plugged the hole in his heart, drained the excess blood, and manually resuscitated him.
"He was essentially dead for five minutes," said Dr. Thomas MacGillivray, the surgeon who operated on Nelson. That amount of time without a pulse, MacGillivray said, is "pushing the limit" to where most people sustain some kind of brain damage, as he somberly informed Nelson's parents.
"We had him alive, but we didn't know how much we had him," said Nelson's mother, Nancy.
Nelson regained consciousness later that day. He had lost his short-term memory but had escaped serious brain damage. Drugged, disoriented and stubbornly strong, he tried to tear the tubes and bandages off his body.
Four days later, refusing painkillers, Nelson walked out of the hospital. That weekend, he put on his tuxedo and attended his older brother's wedding in the family's backyard, dancing and allowing himself a sip of Champagne.
Nelson's youth and fitness helped his heart heal quickly, but scar tissue girdled his ribs and made movement difficult. He lost 20 pounds, mostly muscle. In early July, he began swimming laps to break up the binding tissue, then began running sprints up the slope behind the family's house while wearing a harness and pulling weights on a sled.
When he rejoined the team, "it did take a lot of convincing to make people believe I was the same old Dave," he said.
The senior linebacker and co-captain Maurice Bennett said his doubts vanished shortly after contact drills began. "He's a physical player, and when he comes at you, you better hit back," Bennett said.
Lafayette Coach Frank Tavani said Nelson's businesslike attitude in practice helped settle his qualms, but he admitted to an occasional sense of wonder.
"Here's a kid who's had a knife through the heart, was on the other side for however long and came back," Tavani said. "When he spoke to the team in our first meeting about what playing meant to him, and almost having it taken away, the freshmen's eyes were popping out of their heads."
Nelson, an anthropology-sociology major, wants to start a contracting business after he graduates next spring. He said his experience had strengthened his religious faith and changed his concept of toughness.
"It's not kicking someone's butt," he said. "It's setting goals and exceeding them, doing more than what's expected of you."
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I didn't make it home, not that Monday at least, and experienced something that changed me forever, but for the better. Do I forgive the person who do this to me? Without an inkling of a doubt, YES. They don't know it, but they gave me a gift...perspective.
The heart of a champion.
Brian puts it best, but please understand I am sharing this out of my deep belief that all people have the capacity to 'will' themselves to overcome and succeed. I believe it, and I believe in you. Brian did anything he could to save my life that day. Thank you, Bri, I love you buddy.
I will leave you with this recent note Brian sent to his Tough Mudder team (awesome event, by the way. One of the more rewarding races you can put yourself through). Have a good night, and always believe in yourself and what God gave you....no matter what. Believe in big things....I do.
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By Brian Boyson - Teammate
When you woke up one morning, and realized life will never be the same?
How did you respond?
There I was on a Summer Friday afternoon, and I just finished my first week of work and classes...finally just finished getting my apartment all setup, and looking forward to our senior season (damn, those apartments were dingy). It was the beginning of the summer 2005, and in Easton, Pa, it gets hot in a hurry. I was pumped, I finally had a credit-worthy internship to look forward to, was taking an extra class, and was in the best football shape I had ever been in. It's funny when you become a Senior football player...you enjoy a level of confidence only gained through 4-years of blood, sweat and tears...a feeling of conviction, of pride, of determination....and for the guys that were fortunate enough to either stay healthy, or if they were healthy, have the courage to stick it out 4-years, there was a special bond of appreciation that you know you had earned and now share with your fellow comrades. For some reason, I have this vivid memory of the calm this gave me on that summer day. It was peaceful to a degree, and allowed me to be thankful for my first 3 years leading up until that point. I finally felt like I matured, and was ready to be the leader my teammates and fellow classmates expected me to be.
My brother Chris was also getting married in one week. I was so excited! I always looked up to Chris (yes, the same Chris in a lot of my stories), and was so proud of him as a big brother, as I am sure if you have older siblings, you've probably felt the same as they approached their weddings. My brothers and I were all in the wedding, too, and really looking forward to supporting him on his big day...he was the first of us to tie the knot! I headed home that afternoon to be on time for Chris' bachelor party on Saturday. First things first though, have to get my stuff ready for work Tuesday (Monday was Memorial Day), and workouts Tuesday afternoon (yea, a little obsessive, I guess). I always hated coming back from trips and having to sprint and get ready for the next day...this way, I could just come home and relax.
I get to Boston, and of course, the homecoming was as expected...warming. Wake up nice and early Saturday, and we went to the driving range during the day (Chris loved the driving range, even-though we all kind of stunk up the place), and rented a limo for the night. It was a pretty low-key bachelor party, actually. Pretty much just limo and dinner...but being just us brothers, things usually got out of hand quickly, so I think it was for the better.
Come Sunday. Do I go home now, and have a night where I can chill, and just prep for the week, or do I stay, and head home tomorrow, Memorial Day?
Ring, Ring...Brian,"Nelly...it's Marc's birthday, and we're going out...let's go!"
Me, "I'm in!" Looks like I'm heading back Memorial Day after all....
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Life After Near-Death: A Normalcy in Football
By: Bonnie DesimoneThe New York Times
EASTON, Pa. - Lafayette fullback David Nelson walked into his off-campus apartment in early August, two months behind schedule.
The place was exactly as he had left it Memorial Day weekend. Clothes for the first day of his summer internship as a management trainee were neatly laid out on his bed. His gym bag was packed for the start of the off-season workouts he had expected to lead as a team co-captain.
Those plans evaporated early on the morning of May 30, when Nelson nearly died after he was stabbed in the chest when he stepped in to break up a fight between a friend and a stranger in downtown Boston.
Luck, rapid medical attention and diligent rehabilitation had brought Nelson back to where, remarkably, he was cleared to play again. But he had been so focused on recovering that he had not really dwelled on what had happened to him.
Then he opened the door and saw the mundane evidence of how brutally his life had been interrupted.
"I sat down and cried," said Nelson, a sturdy 5-foot-11, 235-pound, 22-year-old senior from Dover, Mass., with a crew cut and clear green eyes. "Then I thought: 'O.K., you got it out. Let's go.' And I put on my shirt and shorts and my gym shoes, and I went to work out.
"Football, for me, marked living my regular life again."
Nelson has started all 10 of Lafayette's games this season. He is the lead blocker on running plays and has 17 catches for 186 yards and 2 touchdowns. The last score, a 13-yard reception last week at Holy Cross in front of his family and friends from the Boston area, helped cement a 41-21 victory and maintained Lafayette's hopes for a Patriot League championship.
Lafayette (7-3), Lehigh (8-2) and Colgate (7-3) are all 4-1 in the conference going into today's regular-season finales. The Leopards can earn their second consecutive automatic bid to the N.C.A.A. Division I-AA tournament if they beat Lehigh on the road and Colgate loses at Georgetown (4-6).
If Lafayette and Colgate win to tie for the conference title, Colgate, which defeated Lafayette, would advance.
Nelson was stabbed during a night out with high school friends. As they walked toward a parking garage near Faneuil Hall, a man in a car yelled insults. Words were exchanged, and the man circled back, jumped out of his car and began to threaten one of Nelson's friends.
When Nelson tried to intercede, a fight broke out. The man stabbed him, got back into his car and fled. No arrest has been made and the case is still open, said Officer John Boyle, a Boston Police Department spokesman.
Nelson's friends tied a shirt around his chest. One applied pressure while others, including Villanova safety Brian Boyson, begged cab drivers at a nearby taxi stand to take them a few short blocks to Massachusetts General Hospital. Two drivers refused, but a third agreed, with Boyson screaming at the cars ahead to clear a path.
The knife had pierced the pericardium membrane and the right ventricle of Nelson's heart. The bleeding rapidly swamped his heart, preventing it from pumping, a condition known as tamponade. Nelson was still breathing, raggedly, but Boyson said he felt Nelson go limp as he helped him out of the back seat.
By the time the unconscious Nelson reached the emergency room, doctors could not get a blood-pressure reading or a pulse. They opened his chest, plugged the hole in his heart, drained the excess blood, and manually resuscitated him.
"He was essentially dead for five minutes," said Dr. Thomas MacGillivray, the surgeon who operated on Nelson. That amount of time without a pulse, MacGillivray said, is "pushing the limit" to where most people sustain some kind of brain damage, as he somberly informed Nelson's parents.
"We had him alive, but we didn't know how much we had him," said Nelson's mother, Nancy.
Nelson regained consciousness later that day. He had lost his short-term memory but had escaped serious brain damage. Drugged, disoriented and stubbornly strong, he tried to tear the tubes and bandages off his body.
Four days later, refusing painkillers, Nelson walked out of the hospital. That weekend, he put on his tuxedo and attended his older brother's wedding in the family's backyard, dancing and allowing himself a sip of Champagne.
Nelson's youth and fitness helped his heart heal quickly, but scar tissue girdled his ribs and made movement difficult. He lost 20 pounds, mostly muscle. In early July, he began swimming laps to break up the binding tissue, then began running sprints up the slope behind the family's house while wearing a harness and pulling weights on a sled.
When he rejoined the team, "it did take a lot of convincing to make people believe I was the same old Dave," he said.
The senior linebacker and co-captain Maurice Bennett said his doubts vanished shortly after contact drills began. "He's a physical player, and when he comes at you, you better hit back," Bennett said.
Lafayette Coach Frank Tavani said Nelson's businesslike attitude in practice helped settle his qualms, but he admitted to an occasional sense of wonder.
"Here's a kid who's had a knife through the heart, was on the other side for however long and came back," Tavani said. "When he spoke to the team in our first meeting about what playing meant to him, and almost having it taken away, the freshmen's eyes were popping out of their heads."
Nelson, an anthropology-sociology major, wants to start a contracting business after he graduates next spring. He said his experience had strengthened his religious faith and changed his concept of toughness.
"It's not kicking someone's butt," he said. "It's setting goals and exceeding them, doing more than what's expected of you."
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I didn't make it home, not that Monday at least, and experienced something that changed me forever, but for the better. Do I forgive the person who do this to me? Without an inkling of a doubt, YES. They don't know it, but they gave me a gift...perspective.
The heart of a champion.
Brian puts it best, but please understand I am sharing this out of my deep belief that all people have the capacity to 'will' themselves to overcome and succeed. I believe it, and I believe in you. Brian did anything he could to save my life that day. Thank you, Bri, I love you buddy.
I will leave you with this recent note Brian sent to his Tough Mudder team (awesome event, by the way. One of the more rewarding races you can put yourself through). Have a good night, and always believe in yourself and what God gave you....no matter what. Believe in big things....I do.
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By Brian Boyson - Teammate
I would like to share a quick personal story with the team. This story is actually about someone who did the last tough mudder with us and someone who I am very close with a friend, a comrade, a brother. His name is David Nelson and I have never in my entire life met anyone as tough, passionate, tenacious, hard working, loyal and courageous as this person. Life is a collection of experiences and it is our reaction to those experiences that shapes our lives. This experience has changed the way I live my life and has enlightened me to the awareness of the significance of living a life based on core values, thankfulness, integrity, passion and genuine character.
Memorial Day Weekend 2005 I reunited a bunch of friends who played football together in high school to get together in Boston. We had a great night and reconnected at the Black Rose. We left and as we approached the parking garage where we had parked all hell broke loose. Some words were exchanged between one of my friends and someone driving a vehicle. A person in an escalade stepped out of his vehicle and went to hit one of my friends. Dave being such a loyal friend stepped in front of my friend to protect him since the guy was double his size. The man stabbed Dave with a knife 3 times. Once in the arm, once in the side of his ribs and once directly through the heart! I was first to approach him thinking just a couple punches had been thrown I quickly realized from all the blood that he had been stabbed then the most horrific moment after just seeing his arm, blood started pouring through his shirt. I then realized he had been stabbed through his heart. I looked up and saw 10 cabs. I begged and pleaded with them to take us to the hospital yelling my friend was dying. First cab drove away, then the second saying they couldn’t take a passenger who was bleeding. Finally in a desperate attempt all 8 of us surrounded the 3rd cab and demanding he take us. He finally did. It was pure chance that we were only two blocks from the best heart hospital in the country Mass General. We did everything we could to keep dave alive including smacking him in the face to keep him conscious. We arrived at the emergency room and I yelled for someone to help it seemed like it took forever. Here I was holding one of my best friends in my arms who had been brutally stabbed and in the heart of all places. Even in this moment Dave fought like hell to for every breathe, to keep his eyes open, clinging to life as he was not going to give up and accept death. Then he went limp in my arms and I knew something terrible had just happened but I didn’t know he had just died. He was immediately taken from me.
Dave had emergency heart surgery. They opened him up patched his wound shocked him, brought him back to life and induced him into a coma. He was dead for over 5 minutes and the possibility of brain damage was very high. 3 days later he came to and thought he was still in a battle for his life. He ripped all the Iv’s out of his body and thought he was still in the fight the nurses had to hold him back and explain that he was in the hospital. He was discharged 2 days later. His older brother was getting married and knowing Dave he wasn’t going to miss it. He left the hospital and with the help of his family was able to attend his brother’s wedding. He also got elected captain that year for Lafayatte which is a Division 1AA competitive football program prior to the stabbing. The doctors told him he couldn’t do a thing for 2 months due to the wound, surgery, and he had staples in his ribs because they broke him open. Dave didn’t accept this. He wasn’t going to let someone take what he loved away from him something he had enjoyed and played all his life, football. He started swimming and started working out in the half the recommended time within 1 month. He showed up to the 3 week long football camp which is tough for someone who is in shape, let alone someone coming back from the dead. He was last in every drill and sprint when he arrived but he didn’t give up. By the end of camp he was leading in everything and leading his team. Dave started every game that season and lead Lafayatte to a league championship and a playoff berth.
This was truly a remarkable come back! The New York Times did a full page article on Dave and his incredible story. You can check it out here. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/19/sports/ncaafootball/19lafayette.html
There is not a day that goes by in which I do not think about this experience. I try to push myself to appreciate and cherish everyday and every moment. Every time I see Dave or think about him he is truly an inspiration. People too often feel sorry for themselves or point fingers at others or give up when things get tough. Dave could of easily had given up on life, on football and on being the leader of his team due to his circumstances. Dave chose to persevere and embark on a mission that would be probably the most challenging of his life. This is my favorite quote from him in the article and resembles something which has defined Dave his whole life. It's not kicking someone's butt," he said. "It's setting goals and exceeding them, doing more than what's expected of you."
I congratulate all of you for taking a step to conquer this challenge of the Tough Mudder. For setting a goal and sacrificing time, effort, sweat and tears to accomplish it and be triumphant. I hope everyone can take away something from Dave’s story!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
punches, handshakes, hugs....i love you
When I was a kid, we lived in Chicago across the street from this amazing park. For those of you who know me, you've probably heard me talk about this park, and in turn, made fun of my Chicago accent while explaining the park. (My buddy Brian does a great impersonation of it...or he sounds like such an idiot, it's funny....either or.) I was the youngest of 4 boys (and we have a little sister), and we spent countless hours at this park playing football, baseball, hockey, golf, I mean any sport imaginable, we played it. The cool thing, too, was that the neighborhood was tight-knit, so we always had enough guys to make a team up. Being the youngest, I got my ass kicked a lot. Be it getting tackled from a bigger guy, or being on the bottom of a "pig-pile"..remember those? I remember this one time, this one kid tried to tackle me, and because I juked him out, and he couldn't get a clean hit, he grab my shirt...in doing so, he ripped it, and scratched me from my throat to my stomach...I was so pissed, I started punching and kicking this kid, but that went no where because I was still a little peanut (and yes, I was crying). I wanted to just leave at this point. I had enough, and every-time I came out here, I went home in tears (Dave Nelson cried?). I remember my oldest brother Chris came over, gave me a hug and said, "Dave, don't leave. Walter Peyton doesn't cry, and he wouldn't quit. Isn't Walter your and mine favorite player? (we loved Sweetness in my household)" Me, "(sniffling) Yes." Chris,"Well, let's make him proud, and score a touchdown on this next play. I'm going to hand you the ball, and you're going to take it to the end-zone. Deal?" Me, "Ok." Chris, "I love you." Me, "You too." Next play, he handed me the ball, and like Sweetness, I took it to the house, spiked it, and was so pumped. And guess who came sprinting down to pick me up, and give me a big high-five and a hug....you got it, Chris.
(5 minute break, the Chris story always chokes me up...be right back)
.....I went on from that day, and always looked up to Chris for his compassion and love he showed me...yes, I was his brother, but also another male.
Throughout my life, up until this very moment, I have been constrained by the male's lack of ability to express himself emotionally. The male species is a very insecure animal. Case and point, if you're a guy reading this, did you just say to yourself "I'm not insecure!! What the hell is Dave talking about. I'm tough, I'm strong, I'm a winner." Yes, we know you are....but you're insecure, and so am I. Instinctively, we're fighters, we self-preserve almost every breath we take. There is no way we can let someone know that we go to church, or that I almost cried at a sad movie (I'm telling you, The Help was a tear-jerker), or that on some days we're feeling blue, or that we want to quit, or we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. We're the hunter-gatherers, and we certainly can't let down the other males in our family...that's a big no-no. I mean, (and please by all means excuse my language....do you excuse me?...see, I needed affirmation) how many times have you called your male friend "A pussy" or "Gay" or "Wimp" or a "Loser"...why do we do this? First and foremost, it's wrong for many, many reasons...I'm probably being called a "pussy" right now for saying this (I'll meet you in the parking lot after this post). We're so concerned with being tough, and speak a big game, but when the rubber hits the road, who are you? Do you run, or do you hide? Do you show compassion and love, or do you put down because you're "tough"?
In isolation, that is the male. When one male's back is against the wall, or that signs of "weakness" are shown, that's how we react, out of insecurity. Any disputes?
But, that actually isn't the male. Huh?
The male is also a hugely misunderstood animal. We misunderstand ourselves, so that doesn't help, but, men have some of the deepest love, and for one another, that in some cases is incomparable to any other type of love. (whoa, where is Dave going?) We have this rock-hard shell around us, but inside is someone who really wants to make a difference, who has deep compassion for the one's around him, and deep passion to make a difference, who is pushed to understand himself, and who has the capacity to believe so deeply in something, that it transforms who they are forever. We live in a society that tells us to hold this all in, and make that outside shell as hard as ever. But that's counter-intuitive to who the male is. Because we're not as dumb as we appear, we've found ways to express our love and passion through many, many ways, one being sports.
When I think back to why I loved football so much, yea scoring touchdowns was cool, and winning was always nice, but it was the guys around me that made it so special. It allowed us to learn about ourselves, learn that we're not alone in this male quest, learn that teamwork was a beautiful thing, that sacrifice spawned togetherness (the harder we each worked, the closer we came together) to the point that to this day, I have no problem openly telling my teammates that I love them, or that I miss them if I haven't seen them....and this is two-way. I get the same response from them as well. And you know what, it feels damn good when I let them know that I love them....because I really do. Without team, and without sacrifice, I'll admit, this is hard to achieve, but something happens, some force greater than 1-individual man, drives him to lay down all of his personal interests, his personal gain, or his personal comfort, for the men around him. And he does this with extreme passion and purpose. I really mean extreme passion and purpose. It's fulfilling, it's meaningful, and that is exactly what drives us men.....and I'll sum it up in one-word.....love.
When I held that trophy high when we won the Patriot League title, I had tears streaming down my face, with plenty of hugs, and probably a couple of kisses for my teammates. Does that make me a wimp? I actually think it makes me a man.
Don't hold your love back. It's debilitating, and it's not the way it's suppose to be....I know this at my core. It's not just about loving your girlfriend, or you wife (love you sweetie), or your family, but about everyone, and being ok with it. Let go...like the old man at church.
Do yourself a favor, reach out to an old teammate or friend, and let them know you love them and that you miss them...I promise you'll be glad you did, because it's what you're really suppose to do. In fact, see if they're on Hey Nelly...because that's why it's there....it allows you be open without reservation.
Are you man enough?
(5 minute break, the Chris story always chokes me up...be right back)
.....I went on from that day, and always looked up to Chris for his compassion and love he showed me...yes, I was his brother, but also another male.
Throughout my life, up until this very moment, I have been constrained by the male's lack of ability to express himself emotionally. The male species is a very insecure animal. Case and point, if you're a guy reading this, did you just say to yourself "I'm not insecure!! What the hell is Dave talking about. I'm tough, I'm strong, I'm a winner." Yes, we know you are....but you're insecure, and so am I. Instinctively, we're fighters, we self-preserve almost every breath we take. There is no way we can let someone know that we go to church, or that I almost cried at a sad movie (I'm telling you, The Help was a tear-jerker), or that on some days we're feeling blue, or that we want to quit, or we feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. We're the hunter-gatherers, and we certainly can't let down the other males in our family...that's a big no-no. I mean, (and please by all means excuse my language....do you excuse me?...see, I needed affirmation) how many times have you called your male friend "A pussy" or "Gay" or "Wimp" or a "Loser"...why do we do this? First and foremost, it's wrong for many, many reasons...I'm probably being called a "pussy" right now for saying this (I'll meet you in the parking lot after this post). We're so concerned with being tough, and speak a big game, but when the rubber hits the road, who are you? Do you run, or do you hide? Do you show compassion and love, or do you put down because you're "tough"?
In isolation, that is the male. When one male's back is against the wall, or that signs of "weakness" are shown, that's how we react, out of insecurity. Any disputes?
But, that actually isn't the male. Huh?
The male is also a hugely misunderstood animal. We misunderstand ourselves, so that doesn't help, but, men have some of the deepest love, and for one another, that in some cases is incomparable to any other type of love. (whoa, where is Dave going?) We have this rock-hard shell around us, but inside is someone who really wants to make a difference, who has deep compassion for the one's around him, and deep passion to make a difference, who is pushed to understand himself, and who has the capacity to believe so deeply in something, that it transforms who they are forever. We live in a society that tells us to hold this all in, and make that outside shell as hard as ever. But that's counter-intuitive to who the male is. Because we're not as dumb as we appear, we've found ways to express our love and passion through many, many ways, one being sports.
When I think back to why I loved football so much, yea scoring touchdowns was cool, and winning was always nice, but it was the guys around me that made it so special. It allowed us to learn about ourselves, learn that we're not alone in this male quest, learn that teamwork was a beautiful thing, that sacrifice spawned togetherness (the harder we each worked, the closer we came together) to the point that to this day, I have no problem openly telling my teammates that I love them, or that I miss them if I haven't seen them....and this is two-way. I get the same response from them as well. And you know what, it feels damn good when I let them know that I love them....because I really do. Without team, and without sacrifice, I'll admit, this is hard to achieve, but something happens, some force greater than 1-individual man, drives him to lay down all of his personal interests, his personal gain, or his personal comfort, for the men around him. And he does this with extreme passion and purpose. I really mean extreme passion and purpose. It's fulfilling, it's meaningful, and that is exactly what drives us men.....and I'll sum it up in one-word.....love.
When I held that trophy high when we won the Patriot League title, I had tears streaming down my face, with plenty of hugs, and probably a couple of kisses for my teammates. Does that make me a wimp? I actually think it makes me a man.
Don't hold your love back. It's debilitating, and it's not the way it's suppose to be....I know this at my core. It's not just about loving your girlfriend, or you wife (love you sweetie), or your family, but about everyone, and being ok with it. Let go...like the old man at church.
Do yourself a favor, reach out to an old teammate or friend, and let them know you love them and that you miss them...I promise you'll be glad you did, because it's what you're really suppose to do. In fact, see if they're on Hey Nelly...because that's why it's there....it allows you be open without reservation.
Are you man enough?
Thursday, September 15, 2011
in my favor/not in my favor?
So, there I was 5'8" 185 lbs, and ready to be the best fullback and linebacker the Xaverian freshman football team has even seen. I mean, c'mon, I was 185 and a freshman in High School! I remember leading up to that summer, I was told to eat all that I could and that it would eventually spread out and turn into muscle. Again, I was 5'8" 185 and a freshman in High School!
In all seriousness, I worked really hard that summer. I ran everyday, lifted with the varsity squad, and committed myself to being the best I could. I truly wanted to be the starting fullback and linebacker. I thought it was mine. I showed up to the first day of camp, and my head was big. I thought I was the man. I had a cutoff shirt, new cleats, and I was ready to skip the freshman team, and go straight to varsity!
"Nelson, go join the line." Me, "Huh?" Coach, "Go join the line, we need you down there" Me, "Dammit." Thoughts in my head, "Am I fat? Am I too slow? Where did I mess up?" Coach, "Nelson, get your ass down there." Me, "Yes, Coach." I saw myself as the starting running back. Coach saw me as a guard.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Senior year, I came a long way from my o-line spot. I came into the year captain, and starting fullback/linebacker. Just like I planned!! And due to an unfortunate injury, I was forced to become the tailback, and had a lot of fun doing it. I mean, I was in the papers, people thought I was cool, I thought I was cool...even girls thought I was cool*.
I remember that whole season came down to one game, and as it was, one play. We were the #1 team in the state, they were #2 team in the state, and oh by the way, I was an awesome running back. Here we were, last game, conference championship, berth to the playoffs....we're all tied....3 seconds to go...it's the other team's ball...they snap the ball....he launches the ball to the end-zone.....he catches the ball...he spikes the ball...did I mention I was a pretty sweet running back?
Fast-forward - Back to square 1. There I was, I came to Lafayette ready to go, and our first practice is underway. Coach, "Nelson, head to the practice squad" Me, "Huh?" Coach, "Did I studder, go to the practice squad, and put on this practice squad jersey." What I was thinking, "Coach, don't you know I was an All-State, MVP, running back for one of the top schools in the state?" What I actually said, "Ok."
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Just as I planned, starting fullback, and just got elected captain before the spring practices began! I am the man! And, we just came off of a Championship season, so everyone's feeling good. Summer is here now. Time to head home for one last weekend before Summer workouts begin.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
That weekend - I get stabbed. I die. I get brought back to life.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Graduate college. I need a job.....I have an idea, I'll start a company!! Yea, that's what I'll do. Work for someone else, who needs that. I'm my own damn boss. Insert: Tenacious Painting, LLC - Commercial and Residential Painting Services. 'Perfection, Passionate...Painting' was our slogan.....how cool? We're going to be the best Eastern Massachusetts has ever seen. I bought all of the goods: New Truck, Signs, Shirts, Ladders, Tools, etc., etc......Who invited the meat-head the painting party?......6 months later me to friend, "Are you guys hiring?"
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - 3 years at this place, and I am ready to make a change. I was a top producer, but man, was my boss a prick. They promised me the world, but I saw none of it. What the hell? Time to switch jobs.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Just got home from a Euro trip. Visit my brother, "Dave, I can't feel my arm." Me, "Dude, you have to get that checked out. It could be serious." Brother, "Yea, well I'll just keep my eye on it." Next day, my brother went to the hospital to find out he had terminal cancer, and his brain was covered in tumors.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - My brother passes. I miss him. He gives me strength.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Right now. I pour out my social thoughts onto a blog, because I have a deep passion for people and how we interact. People are reading this? I have a beautiful wife, who is full of life, and deeply concerned with human health (we've just completed our 3rd year of Triathlons, and this year, we did our 1st half-ironman). My faith is my backbone, and my compassion and understanding of people and of life continues to grow everyday. I have a pretty cool full-time job, and want nothing more than Hey Nelly to be successful. Wait, I started a website?
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Everything leads to a single moment in time, and if you allow it to shape who you are, you will find that everything is done in your favor. That, though, is up to you to choose.
*Not many
In all seriousness, I worked really hard that summer. I ran everyday, lifted with the varsity squad, and committed myself to being the best I could. I truly wanted to be the starting fullback and linebacker. I thought it was mine. I showed up to the first day of camp, and my head was big. I thought I was the man. I had a cutoff shirt, new cleats, and I was ready to skip the freshman team, and go straight to varsity!
"Nelson, go join the line." Me, "Huh?" Coach, "Go join the line, we need you down there" Me, "Dammit." Thoughts in my head, "Am I fat? Am I too slow? Where did I mess up?" Coach, "Nelson, get your ass down there." Me, "Yes, Coach." I saw myself as the starting running back. Coach saw me as a guard.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Senior year, I came a long way from my o-line spot. I came into the year captain, and starting fullback/linebacker. Just like I planned!! And due to an unfortunate injury, I was forced to become the tailback, and had a lot of fun doing it. I mean, I was in the papers, people thought I was cool, I thought I was cool...even girls thought I was cool*.
I remember that whole season came down to one game, and as it was, one play. We were the #1 team in the state, they were #2 team in the state, and oh by the way, I was an awesome running back. Here we were, last game, conference championship, berth to the playoffs....we're all tied....3 seconds to go...it's the other team's ball...they snap the ball....he launches the ball to the end-zone.....he catches the ball...he spikes the ball...did I mention I was a pretty sweet running back?
Fast-forward - Back to square 1. There I was, I came to Lafayette ready to go, and our first practice is underway. Coach, "Nelson, head to the practice squad" Me, "Huh?" Coach, "Did I studder, go to the practice squad, and put on this practice squad jersey." What I was thinking, "Coach, don't you know I was an All-State, MVP, running back for one of the top schools in the state?" What I actually said, "Ok."
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Just as I planned, starting fullback, and just got elected captain before the spring practices began! I am the man! And, we just came off of a Championship season, so everyone's feeling good. Summer is here now. Time to head home for one last weekend before Summer workouts begin.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
That weekend - I get stabbed. I die. I get brought back to life.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Graduate college. I need a job.....I have an idea, I'll start a company!! Yea, that's what I'll do. Work for someone else, who needs that. I'm my own damn boss. Insert: Tenacious Painting, LLC - Commercial and Residential Painting Services. 'Perfection, Passionate...Painting' was our slogan.....how cool? We're going to be the best Eastern Massachusetts has ever seen. I bought all of the goods: New Truck, Signs, Shirts, Ladders, Tools, etc., etc......Who invited the meat-head the painting party?......6 months later me to friend, "Are you guys hiring?"
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - 3 years at this place, and I am ready to make a change. I was a top producer, but man, was my boss a prick. They promised me the world, but I saw none of it. What the hell? Time to switch jobs.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Just got home from a Euro trip. Visit my brother, "Dave, I can't feel my arm." Me, "Dude, you have to get that checked out. It could be serious." Brother, "Yea, well I'll just keep my eye on it." Next day, my brother went to the hospital to find out he had terminal cancer, and his brain was covered in tumors.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - My brother passes. I miss him. He gives me strength.
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Fast-forward - Right now. I pour out my social thoughts onto a blog, because I have a deep passion for people and how we interact. People are reading this? I have a beautiful wife, who is full of life, and deeply concerned with human health (we've just completed our 3rd year of Triathlons, and this year, we did our 1st half-ironman). My faith is my backbone, and my compassion and understanding of people and of life continues to grow everyday. I have a pretty cool full-time job, and want nothing more than Hey Nelly to be successful. Wait, I started a website?
Outcome: in my favor/not in my favor?
Everything leads to a single moment in time, and if you allow it to shape who you are, you will find that everything is done in your favor. That, though, is up to you to choose.
*Not many
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
when i look at people, i see....3 levels
This past weekend, we went to a wedding of one of my wife's close friends, and it was a great time...it was right on the ocean, and we stayed in this beautiful house with the beach at our feet....not bad...and it was nice and sunny. So, the wedding comes, and I don't know what came over me, but I was a dancing-machine, to the point where not only was the front of my dress shirt soaked, but the back of it, the sides, the collar....and truth be told, I didn't have a drink (I'm a lightweight these days, but that can be debated at a different time). We had this ridiculous dance where people were in a circle, slapping hands to the one next to them...I mean, so ridiculous, it's hard, and slightly embarrassing to explain, but it was AWESOME! Everyone laughing, having a great time...one person said this dance made them laugh more than they have in a long-time..to add to this, they had the cutest grandparents...married 63 years, and they were still dancing together like old times...it was a beautiful site.
Earlier in the day, I went for a quick workout, and used the public parking lot as my area. I'm on this new kick of doing Navy Seal body-weight workouts (learn more at Seal Grinder PT, you can Google it), and some of it can seem a little much. There I was, doing endless push-ups, box jumps, burpees, frog jumps, running, crunching, and on and on. I'm such a badass, right? There people were, sitting on the beach, enjoying one of the last summer days, and here's this guy, sweating, exerting, and pushing.
Fast-forward. It's now the day after the wedding, and I rush home to make church (yes, I'm church-goer). It was 9/11 and the day was beautiful. I didn't have a change of clothes, so I had to wear my workout shorts, and a t-shirt to mass. A little sloppy, but who's judging? I'm there for the same reason everyone else is....I think.
As I'm standing in the back of church (because that's just something I've always done), I'm looking around, and it dawns on me that I start picturing everyone elses lives around me. Now bare with me....
Food for thought first: What inside of us makes us evaluate people? Alternatively, what inside of us drives us to portray who we are, or who we think we are? I mean seriously think about these questions...why do we evaluate (judging is evaluating mixed with opinion without knowing the story, thus ignorance). But evaluate is a little softer, and something we do all-day, of everyday of every moment. Test yourself, tomorrow, just think "when am I evaluating others?" This isn't necessarily judging, merely evaluating. You'll be astonished how much of your brain-power goes towards this once you consciously measure it. Let me know how it goes...
But because I take it too far, I start breaking it down into sections of people:
Babies
Young
Adolescence
Twenties
The rest of us
New Grandparents
Old Grandparents
Widowed Grandparents
People who are literally actively dying
In all seriousness, church has it all. From there, I started breaking it into levels of 3 (of the 9 groups above), and because I was evaluating, I began to wonder about each of the group's life journey. Journey is a very broad term, but for me it means meaning and acceptance. Level 1 is Awkward, Level 2 is Stubborn, and Level 3 is Innocent. As you get closer to each level, the two categories begin to mix. As you can see, I said innocent for the older people. I just get this uncontrolled sense, that after all of these years, they've let go, and let innocence settle in. As you can see, Level 3 is just before Level 1, so you can see how the cycle could repeat itself if physical life allowed.
I started evaluating my theory while in mass (mixed with prayer of course). I looked at an infant, the mix of Level 3 and Level 1 was obvious. They were innocent, but helpless, however beginning to figure things out. Next, a young person, who had sunglasses on in church, and was licking his brother (I even think they touched tongues...it got really awkward, and as you can see, they are in the heart of the awkward phase). Next, teenagers, who are awkward, but becoming stubborn from the standpoint that "they are who they are, so F-off"...rebellious, getting more stubborn, and still awkward. Awkwardness begins to fade away, and stubbornness begins to really set in. Take my examples from above for instance. I didn't care what anybody thought, so I was going to dance my ass off, do a ridiculous workout to challenge myself even though it inconvenienced the ones around me and probably made them feel less about themselves, and continue to stand in the back of church....why do I still stand in the back of church? To take that a step further, how many of us know someone in their 20's or 30's who seem like they're still in college. Or, refusing to grab life for what it's worth because they're just fine and content, and they have plenty of years to do so? Contentedness = stubbornness, and it's no mystery for the few that aren't content...they're the ones you read about everyday truly making a difference. But we can't be them right? We are who we are...stubborness.
Up until this point, I can evaluate myself against the first 2 levels, and get a result of how I have done. Again, done...past-tense (which doesn't really matter, but interesting). Was I that awkward? Was I, am I that stubborn? Yes and Yes! But I'm beginning to feel a funny thing start to settle in...I by no means think I'm innocent, but I think true innocence, that is obtained in Level 3, is a journey in of itself. You see, the first 2 levels are exploratory phases...who are we? who do we think we are? we are who we are. (stubborn phase is statements only...no questions). but something begins to happen...and at the core of who we are....we start asking a flurry of questions as we progress through Level 2 to Level 3, certainly not before, and they really are deep-seeded...like "Am I going to be a good dad?" "Am I doing what I'm suppose to be doing?" "Is it to late to make change?" "What matters most to me?", etc. and through this period of time, we actually begin to let go. Now, I can't speak for people almost in Level 3, because I'm not that old, c'mon...but, these transitional periods of time, ultimately lead us to a point of innocence...of acceptance, of peace. I see it in the eyes of the old man shaking my hand after we recite the Our Father. It's this sense of, "life does have an ending, so I'm not going to concern myself with things that don't matter, and accept and release all that holds me from interacting in a meaningful and productive way." By looking in his eyes, it all came together in that one split second for me....strive for innocence. Don't be bound by your level or by yourself, and furthermore, don't be bound by anything. Always strive to make meaning, and in doing so, making your interactions meaningful....because they don't last forever. The more time we stay stuck in Level 1 and Level 2, the less time we are actually living and seeing all that life is worth. I'll tell you what, the old man's spirit and sense of innocence empowered me...it really did...that said, I don't want to be 85 to experience what he is ultimately experiencing.....innocence.
Do yourself a favor, find an old man or woman...and genuinely shake their hand...I'm being serious...find them on their way to the post-office, or to their coffee...go out of your way, shake their hand, introduce yourself, and I promise if you keep innocence in mind, your life will be changed forever, and you'll be very thankful for what you have, and less concerned about "who you are."
Earlier in the day, I went for a quick workout, and used the public parking lot as my area. I'm on this new kick of doing Navy Seal body-weight workouts (learn more at Seal Grinder PT, you can Google it), and some of it can seem a little much. There I was, doing endless push-ups, box jumps, burpees, frog jumps, running, crunching, and on and on. I'm such a badass, right? There people were, sitting on the beach, enjoying one of the last summer days, and here's this guy, sweating, exerting, and pushing.
Fast-forward. It's now the day after the wedding, and I rush home to make church (yes, I'm church-goer). It was 9/11 and the day was beautiful. I didn't have a change of clothes, so I had to wear my workout shorts, and a t-shirt to mass. A little sloppy, but who's judging? I'm there for the same reason everyone else is....I think.
As I'm standing in the back of church (because that's just something I've always done), I'm looking around, and it dawns on me that I start picturing everyone elses lives around me. Now bare with me....
Food for thought first: What inside of us makes us evaluate people? Alternatively, what inside of us drives us to portray who we are, or who we think we are? I mean seriously think about these questions...why do we evaluate (judging is evaluating mixed with opinion without knowing the story, thus ignorance). But evaluate is a little softer, and something we do all-day, of everyday of every moment. Test yourself, tomorrow, just think "when am I evaluating others?" This isn't necessarily judging, merely evaluating. You'll be astonished how much of your brain-power goes towards this once you consciously measure it. Let me know how it goes...
But because I take it too far, I start breaking it down into sections of people:
Babies
Young
Adolescence
Twenties
The rest of us
New Grandparents
Old Grandparents
Widowed Grandparents
People who are literally actively dying
In all seriousness, church has it all. From there, I started breaking it into levels of 3 (of the 9 groups above), and because I was evaluating, I began to wonder about each of the group's life journey. Journey is a very broad term, but for me it means meaning and acceptance. Level 1 is Awkward, Level 2 is Stubborn, and Level 3 is Innocent. As you get closer to each level, the two categories begin to mix. As you can see, I said innocent for the older people. I just get this uncontrolled sense, that after all of these years, they've let go, and let innocence settle in. As you can see, Level 3 is just before Level 1, so you can see how the cycle could repeat itself if physical life allowed.
I started evaluating my theory while in mass (mixed with prayer of course). I looked at an infant, the mix of Level 3 and Level 1 was obvious. They were innocent, but helpless, however beginning to figure things out. Next, a young person, who had sunglasses on in church, and was licking his brother (I even think they touched tongues...it got really awkward, and as you can see, they are in the heart of the awkward phase). Next, teenagers, who are awkward, but becoming stubborn from the standpoint that "they are who they are, so F-off"...rebellious, getting more stubborn, and still awkward. Awkwardness begins to fade away, and stubbornness begins to really set in. Take my examples from above for instance. I didn't care what anybody thought, so I was going to dance my ass off, do a ridiculous workout to challenge myself even though it inconvenienced the ones around me and probably made them feel less about themselves, and continue to stand in the back of church....why do I still stand in the back of church? To take that a step further, how many of us know someone in their 20's or 30's who seem like they're still in college. Or, refusing to grab life for what it's worth because they're just fine and content, and they have plenty of years to do so? Contentedness = stubbornness, and it's no mystery for the few that aren't content...they're the ones you read about everyday truly making a difference. But we can't be them right? We are who we are...stubborness.
Up until this point, I can evaluate myself against the first 2 levels, and get a result of how I have done. Again, done...past-tense (which doesn't really matter, but interesting). Was I that awkward? Was I, am I that stubborn? Yes and Yes! But I'm beginning to feel a funny thing start to settle in...I by no means think I'm innocent, but I think true innocence, that is obtained in Level 3, is a journey in of itself. You see, the first 2 levels are exploratory phases...who are we? who do we think we are? we are who we are. (stubborn phase is statements only...no questions). but something begins to happen...and at the core of who we are....we start asking a flurry of questions as we progress through Level 2 to Level 3, certainly not before, and they really are deep-seeded...like "Am I going to be a good dad?" "Am I doing what I'm suppose to be doing?" "Is it to late to make change?" "What matters most to me?", etc. and through this period of time, we actually begin to let go. Now, I can't speak for people almost in Level 3, because I'm not that old, c'mon...but, these transitional periods of time, ultimately lead us to a point of innocence...of acceptance, of peace. I see it in the eyes of the old man shaking my hand after we recite the Our Father. It's this sense of, "life does have an ending, so I'm not going to concern myself with things that don't matter, and accept and release all that holds me from interacting in a meaningful and productive way." By looking in his eyes, it all came together in that one split second for me....strive for innocence. Don't be bound by your level or by yourself, and furthermore, don't be bound by anything. Always strive to make meaning, and in doing so, making your interactions meaningful....because they don't last forever. The more time we stay stuck in Level 1 and Level 2, the less time we are actually living and seeing all that life is worth. I'll tell you what, the old man's spirit and sense of innocence empowered me...it really did...that said, I don't want to be 85 to experience what he is ultimately experiencing.....innocence.
Do yourself a favor, find an old man or woman...and genuinely shake their hand...I'm being serious...find them on their way to the post-office, or to their coffee...go out of your way, shake their hand, introduce yourself, and I promise if you keep innocence in mind, your life will be changed forever, and you'll be very thankful for what you have, and less concerned about "who you are."
Sunday, September 11, 2011
why i started hey nelly, and my thoughts on human connections
I thought of Hey Nelly in 2010 while watching college football, and couldn’t help but to think how much I missed the good ol’ boys. We fell out of touch so quickly and just sort of moved on. How did this happen? Here are the guys I went to battle with everyday, the same people who bled, sweat and cried over wins and losses - The same guys who dreaded workouts and practice, but gave it their all anyways because their teammates and coaches relied on them - The same people who committed themselves to something greater than themselves to achieve a greater good with successful outcomes – winning.
Whatever happened to this culture, and why did it have to stop? I soon came to realize in the real-world this doesn’t exist. People seem to just stop caring out here in the RW: stop caring about their health, stop caring about their happiness, stop caring about outcomes, stop caring about the one’s around them, stop caring, and ok with accepting less than what they're capable of: a job to just pay the bills; no goals while wrapped in a spiral of cynicism, with their finger pointing outward on why it's everyone else's fault. Why? What happened to self-worth? I did an unofficial census on these unhappy people, and came to realize they were isolated, and not in the sense that no one wanted to be around them, but in the sense that they didn't belong to anything, i.e. a community, or a set of beliefs or common goals. I look back on my points of 'not caring', because no one is immune, and realized that it was when I was most alone, without a group of people or a sense of myself. I then looked back and thought of my moments of most self-worth, and it inevitably pointed back to times where I was enveloped in something more than myself: teams, groups, relationships, belief systems, support from others, etc.....more than myself, and by that I mean being amongst others, who all pitched in. You see, human beings are social animals, but more than that, they are community-based animals. There's a reason why you have a last name: because you are amongst a long-line of people who've passed down tradition, belief-systems, names, stories. Or why your town has a name, or your school, or your recreational club, church, group, or team. I didn't play for the "Dave's", I played for the Hawks, the Leopards, and so on. Let's now relate this to today's social networks online. I sign-up as Dave, and then 1 by 1, connect with another person, as Dave, making me a one-man community. But can you see how this is counter-intuitive to human nature? When you move into a new town or city, guess what, for better or worse, you are automatically now apart of that community, and from there, you will do your part and meet new people. Yes, relationships are built one at a time, but for me at least, there was something common that brought me together to most people I've created relationships with. Again, it was the community I lived in, or a team I played on, or a group I was apart of, and so on, that allowed me the opportunity to join others, and in most cases, we had a shared sense of common cause. Relationships are at the core of who we are, and why we exist, but the value of that relationship, is what really drives us forward. Not necessarily the amount of relationships, but the quality of that relationship, that really means something to us..we all want to be understood, and for me, when there was a group or a team with common goals and beliefs, I felt I was most understood then, and vice-versa.This didn't always lead to wins, but the power of unity and oneness, really drove us forward, and me forward....and still does
You see, in the RW, you’re on your own these days. It’s sink or swim, or get the hell out of the way. "On your own"is contrary to who we are as people! Meet a person "on their own" and make your own judgement on how happy or fulfilled they are. "On your own"online, in your job, in your faith, in your beliefs, and on and on. We're community-based animals, and not only need, but want to be connected with like people! Any disputes?
So, why when we go online to other social networks, do we go on as an individual? And then individually seek individuals out, and then awkwardly send that individual an invite? You see today's social networks don't represent how we truly interact in the real-world. Sure, there's plenty of people signed up, but I would argue they're signed up because they're seeking something other than just "what you ate for dinner last night", but rather, for people who understand them, their beliefs, who they are as a person, with the hope, out of the thousands of people you connect with, that hopefully, just hopefully, a few understand who you are. Sounds like a lot of work to get a few people to truly understand you and who you are.
My candid thoughts on the meaninglessness of individual social connections, and the importance of YOUR community, or communities, and how it is our duty to be a contributor to the communities you are apart of (by the way, communities represent a group or team of people who are connected on the premise of just that...common beliefs, dreams, wins, failures, expectations, goals, sacrifice, and contributions):
We need to be there for each other, the same way we were there when we held our trophies high, gave a helping hand to a teammate getting up off the field, or words of encouragement that got you through that last sprint. Teams come in all flavors, but teammates remain consistent: individuals, who give of themselves sacrificing their own comfort to achieve a greater good with successful outcomes for the community as a whole. Teammates or community members, outside of family (with last names), were and are your greatest assets. It is time to nurture that bond, and give you the support and access to your greatest assets, that you have earned the right to call your community of teammates.
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I going to be "On my own"? Or, am I going to engage with my past or present communities or teams, and contribute all that I am capable of?
Are you with me?
I hope you choose well.
Whatever happened to this culture, and why did it have to stop? I soon came to realize in the real-world this doesn’t exist. People seem to just stop caring out here in the RW: stop caring about their health, stop caring about their happiness, stop caring about outcomes, stop caring about the one’s around them, stop caring, and ok with accepting less than what they're capable of: a job to just pay the bills; no goals while wrapped in a spiral of cynicism, with their finger pointing outward on why it's everyone else's fault. Why? What happened to self-worth? I did an unofficial census on these unhappy people, and came to realize they were isolated, and not in the sense that no one wanted to be around them, but in the sense that they didn't belong to anything, i.e. a community, or a set of beliefs or common goals. I look back on my points of 'not caring', because no one is immune, and realized that it was when I was most alone, without a group of people or a sense of myself. I then looked back and thought of my moments of most self-worth, and it inevitably pointed back to times where I was enveloped in something more than myself: teams, groups, relationships, belief systems, support from others, etc.....more than myself, and by that I mean being amongst others, who all pitched in. You see, human beings are social animals, but more than that, they are community-based animals. There's a reason why you have a last name: because you are amongst a long-line of people who've passed down tradition, belief-systems, names, stories. Or why your town has a name, or your school, or your recreational club, church, group, or team. I didn't play for the "Dave's", I played for the Hawks, the Leopards, and so on. Let's now relate this to today's social networks online. I sign-up as Dave, and then 1 by 1, connect with another person, as Dave, making me a one-man community. But can you see how this is counter-intuitive to human nature? When you move into a new town or city, guess what, for better or worse, you are automatically now apart of that community, and from there, you will do your part and meet new people. Yes, relationships are built one at a time, but for me at least, there was something common that brought me together to most people I've created relationships with. Again, it was the community I lived in, or a team I played on, or a group I was apart of, and so on, that allowed me the opportunity to join others, and in most cases, we had a shared sense of common cause. Relationships are at the core of who we are, and why we exist, but the value of that relationship, is what really drives us forward. Not necessarily the amount of relationships, but the quality of that relationship, that really means something to us..we all want to be understood, and for me, when there was a group or a team with common goals and beliefs, I felt I was most understood then, and vice-versa.This didn't always lead to wins, but the power of unity and oneness, really drove us forward, and me forward....and still does
You see, in the RW, you’re on your own these days. It’s sink or swim, or get the hell out of the way. "On your own"is contrary to who we are as people! Meet a person "on their own" and make your own judgement on how happy or fulfilled they are. "On your own"online, in your job, in your faith, in your beliefs, and on and on. We're community-based animals, and not only need, but want to be connected with like people! Any disputes?
So, why when we go online to other social networks, do we go on as an individual? And then individually seek individuals out, and then awkwardly send that individual an invite? You see today's social networks don't represent how we truly interact in the real-world. Sure, there's plenty of people signed up, but I would argue they're signed up because they're seeking something other than just "what you ate for dinner last night", but rather, for people who understand them, their beliefs, who they are as a person, with the hope, out of the thousands of people you connect with, that hopefully, just hopefully, a few understand who you are. Sounds like a lot of work to get a few people to truly understand you and who you are.
My candid thoughts on the meaninglessness of individual social connections, and the importance of YOUR community, or communities, and how it is our duty to be a contributor to the communities you are apart of (by the way, communities represent a group or team of people who are connected on the premise of just that...common beliefs, dreams, wins, failures, expectations, goals, sacrifice, and contributions):
We need to be there for each other, the same way we were there when we held our trophies high, gave a helping hand to a teammate getting up off the field, or words of encouragement that got you through that last sprint. Teams come in all flavors, but teammates remain consistent: individuals, who give of themselves sacrificing their own comfort to achieve a greater good with successful outcomes for the community as a whole. Teammates or community members, outside of family (with last names), were and are your greatest assets. It is time to nurture that bond, and give you the support and access to your greatest assets, that you have earned the right to call your community of teammates.
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I going to be "On my own"? Or, am I going to engage with my past or present communities or teams, and contribute all that I am capable of?
Are you with me?
I hope you choose well.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
meaning making and social networks
Meaning making is a very interesting concept. One of my favorite books of all time is Victor Frankl's 'Man's Search for Meaning." Victor was a well-known and respected Jewish Psychologist who was born early in the 20th century and lived in Eastern Europe where he went to school and practiced his work. He, like so many other poor victims, was abducted and put into concentration camps to do work-labor during the Holocaust. This makes me sick every time I think about it: how innocent people can be put into such unthinkable circumstances, for utterly no reason. How could you even exist if you happened to make it out alive without having such deep hate, post-traumatic stress, or lack of self? I know these are things that I would certainly struggle with, if not everyone, should we have gone through something similar....however, not Victor. No, Victor, even in his moments of deep despair, suffering, helplessness, isolation, he found a way to make meaning....because he understood, that with meaning making, life continues on no matter what the circumstance. Pretty hard to picture, but this man had the strength and courage to put himself into a place where he knew, that no matter what happened, how cold he may have been, how lonely he felt being away from his wife, that if he could just vizualize what life WILL be like after he gets out, because he believed in getting out, gave him MEANING, and thus, his life. You know, it was stated in his book that the men and women who gave up on meaning making, and visualization, soon came down with viruses and illnesses that eventually were their demise. Meaning making, according to Victor, saved his life...and believes it is the essence of life itself.
Whew....!! Fast-forward to present moment.......pause......meaning making......does it exist today? How about social interactions and are they meaningful and productive?
Now some candid thoughts:
I believe, meaning making is why we exist…we want to know that someone believes in us and who we are as individuals…I definitely feel isolated, as odd as that seems, with today’s social media offerings because I feel forced to ‘keep up’, rather than interact in a meaningful and productive way…I played sports, and do triathlons, and from this my strongest bonds have been created, yet once I go home, and get on my computer, I find I do not have a means to continue that interaction…that is why I launched http://www.heynelly.com, which is a team-based social utility that automatically connects people on the premise of team…be sure to visit, and if you do not see your team, please create one…we think this will bring meaning to this specific type of connection teammates or group members experience.
In honor of Victor, I pledge to make meaning, and create meaningful interactions everyday. How will you create meaning today?
Whew....!! Fast-forward to present moment.......pause......meaning making......does it exist today? How about social interactions and are they meaningful and productive?
Now some candid thoughts:
I believe, meaning making is why we exist…we want to know that someone believes in us and who we are as individuals…I definitely feel isolated, as odd as that seems, with today’s social media offerings because I feel forced to ‘keep up’, rather than interact in a meaningful and productive way…I played sports, and do triathlons, and from this my strongest bonds have been created, yet once I go home, and get on my computer, I find I do not have a means to continue that interaction…that is why I launched http://www.heynelly.com, which is a team-based social utility that automatically connects people on the premise of team…be sure to visit, and if you do not see your team, please create one…we think this will bring meaning to this specific type of connection teammates or group members experience.
In honor of Victor, I pledge to make meaning, and create meaningful interactions everyday. How will you create meaning today?
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