I attended a great event this weekend where people were giving it their all, in a team environment, to challenge themselves and the one's around them both physically and mentally. I was watching on the side (figures) because I was getting better from being a little under the weather. (I hate being sick, by the way...I'm totally uninteresting and useless when I'm sick, and feel like jello, but that's for a different day. By the way, who wears jeans and a long-sleeve shirt in 80 degree weather, because they thought it was a 'nice, fall day'? This guy!)
Have you ever thought about that, though? What can you achieve by yourself versus with a team? I think it about it all the time, and the answer seems to be the same, humbling response for me...not much.
I was able to speak with some really interesting, and in fact inspiring people, one of which came home from the military not too long ago. This person was super-solid, and in speaking with them we started talking about a lot of things as it relates to meaning and purpose....I asked them how getting back to the real world was going, and they admittedly said, "I'm doing much better now I have something like this to be apart of....but, at first it was really difficult." I admired them for this response. It was honest, and it took courage to say it was 'hard'. I asked them what was the hardest part, and they said, "coming home to nothing, and by that I mean, being apart of nothing. I was so used to being with my boys, going through training people couldn't even dream of, to leading men and ensuring they don't die, while managing millions of dollars worth of equipment....that bond, that trust, that ambition and drive was the glue between us, and when I came home, it was gone. It's not about a job, or a girlfriend, though those are nice, it's about being apart of something bigger than myself, bigger than anything I could achieve alone, and 'poof' it was gone."
I wasn't in the military, and that may be one of my biggest life regrets at the end of it all, so I couldn't feel anything but deep compassion for this person. Not from a sappy standpoint, but from a standpoint of meaning....we all need it, we all want it, and we'll do anything for it....truly, we will..it's in our human fabric...you know the useless feeling I'm talking about, I mean even a few days of no meaning making and I'm miserable (see above), and I can't help it...it's who I am, and I'll guess-it-to say many others, too. Can you imagine being thrown into society after something like the military....with nothing? Think about that for a second. You go from beating your chest, living on adrenaline, sacrificing your life, your interests, your comforts for your team and your country......now what?
It doesn't compare, but I remember having a lonely period, or what you could classify as 'lost' once football was no longer my life. Here I was, since the 3rd grade, literally eating, exercising, dreaming for and about football until Senior in College. I thought I was Sweetness! That's 14 years! That I identified with this thing called team and football. It's why I lived, it got my through many, many difficult times while growing up. It give me so much meaning and purpose, that obstacles dissolved in front of me. We could do anything, and achieve amazing things together, and when we lost, it hurt even that much more. I mean, I remember crying when we won the Patriot League Title...me, big, tough Dave Nelson, with tears streaming down his face...and I wasn't alone...you know when they say, "Blood, Sweat, and Tears," it's true! You experience that nowhere else...have you anywhere else experienced that type of emotion outside of a team setting (that includes family, support groups, clubs, social groups)...I mean, I'll be honest, I push it hard when I workout alone, but I don't cry at the end...c'mon, I'm not that gushy. In all seriousness, where in your life have you experienced such deep emotion, such deep passion, love, support, meaning, yearning, than that of a team or group or family? Where? Please tell me...on Facebook? On Linkedin? Where? In your cubicle? No, you do when you believe in something so great, so beyond yourself, something that requires every ounce of your ability to be successful, while having the chance to actually share that purpose with others, and only being able to achieve that with others......this is team. It is our human-fabric, and it is being stripped from us every single day. We get up, go to our cubes, hop on Facebook, and tirelessly look for a place that can provide us an inkling of what this team dynamic, and team support provides you....meaning, purpose, friendships, understanding, hope, shared sacrifice, and on, and on....only you can answer this, but what is most important to you? This core community-based, team-based feelings we try to fulfill everyday, or throwing your hands in there, saying "f it", I'm going to do 'me'?
You see, we're a social animal, yes that's true, but we're community based animals (why is Dave calling us animals?). We live based on shared meaning, and purpose, and sacrifice. Ever heard the term, "You're a hermit"...you're not meant to be alone...but in addition, you're meant to have shared ideals, values, hopes and dreams...and we've achieved this through team, groups, clubs, family, etc. The world is not meant to be "one big-open place', sorry Facebook...because every team has it's own tradition, it's own set of beliefs, it's own character, it's own identity...and with that comes pride, and happiness, shared sacrifice, immense love and support, guidance, and truth....not "Tag me, please"...wtf is that? That's not purpose, that's not meaning....
We need each other, but even more so, we need our teams, our clubs, our families, more than anything....especially in today's time...these teams and clubs and families are so sacred that I had to ask Jenna's Dad if I could marry her, and then from there, throw the most beautiful, ceremonial celebration we could, to represent the importance of a new family, i.e., team being created. It's that important to us humans....I didn't send him a Facebook invite, I had to call him, and sit down, and look him in the eye, and ask "Can I marry your daughter?"
From another viewpoint, you ever been cut from a team? Or benched? How did you feel? Why did you feel that way? Was it because you knew an opportunity to connect with people at a much deeper level, outside of just passing them in the hallway, i.e. Facebook, had escaped you?
Don't let this one escape you. It's your chance to be apart of something, something much deeper than just "passing them in the hallway." Find your team, connect with them, and continue to make a difference for yourself and for one another.....if it's not on there, create it....www.heynelly.com.
We live online, we can't avoid that any longer, so let's bring meaning into it, and create a place that gets us closer to what it's really like, in the real world.
