detachment and success

Q: Alright, Dave, what's up with all of these 'motivational blogs'?

A: I don't know...it's just top of mind, and I felt it worth sharing. I'm also finding as I write these, that in essence, I'm outwardly expressing how I hope to live my life everyday. So, in a backwards sort of a way, it's my way of letting the world know my intentions and desires. This blog allows me to express them to you, and in turn, you use them for your own benefit.

Onwards!!

It's funny, I've always been told, "to succeed, you have to set goals and reach those goals"

How about you? Sound familiar?

Ever set a goal, and never reach it?

Do you find yourself chasing that goal, and feeling discouraged when the same outcome comes true?

I've been reading a really cool book called "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" (oh great, Dave's going to go all Bible on us..)

Not quite. Actually, the book talks about some interesting things like "The Law of Intention" or "The Law of Dharma" or "The Law of Giving", etc. You recognize the word 'Law' quite a bit, but in it's truest sense, the word law in indisputable; it's fact, it's constant, it's un-flexible, it's true. For instance, many things are 'Law', like, oh I don't know, death, birth, an object in motion, stays in motion, gravity, and on, and on...I think you get the point. These things can't be contested. I mean you can try, but I'm pretty sure if you jump out of a plane, the law of gravity will pull straight to the center of Earth. Is it the 'Law' or the 'Gravity' that pulls you down? Well, maybe you philosophy majors can dispute that. Either way, your ass is coming down.

One of the more interesting Laws, is the Law of Detachment. It's interesting, I was just reading an article entitled, "What Psychological Techniques Did The Government Use To Increase Navy SEAL Passing Rates" (read more here: http://www.businessinsider.com/what-four-psychological-techniques-did-the-government-use-to-increase-navy-seal-passing-rates-2011-12). Throughout it, it talks about goal setting, but not in the sense we're used to.

99% of people's goals beat to the tune of: "I want a million dollars" "I want to lose 10 pounds" "I want a boyfriend or girlfriend" "I want an A" "I want to run a 6 minute mile" and on. 

Would you agree? How many people actually reach their goals? (sorry for the 99%/1% analogy, but maybe some truth here, and reason why some are in the 1% or 99%? Just throwing it out there).

You see, reaching a goal, is different than chasing a result. Again, goals do not equal results. A goal is  a point in time that you have come to that matches the efforts you put forth leading up to that point in time. Let's simplify this a little. A goal is achieved in what you do right now. It is not achieved in it's entirety. Do you see the difference? A goal is the sum of many milestones being achieved. Reaching a goal is an accumulation, it is not a single event.

In this article, it talks about Navy Seal pass rates are going up because of some of the similar "goal setting" techniques. It's not that they don't want to finish BUD/S (that's the Law of Intention and Desire), it's that they have to detach themselves from the end result, to actually reach the end result. Again, you have to detach yourself from your goal to reach your goal. Sound kind of weird?

The reality is, to reach a goal, you have to live your life every moment, to your maximum ability, and therefore, with each action or choice you make, it will naturally lead you to your goal. This means that, the less you are trying to reach a "Goal" living your life narrowly focused on just the goal, but rather live your life to the fullest of your potential, and with the desire and intention to reach this goal, you naturally will do so, with no extra effort. Does that make sense? Goals are reached in the "here and now", they are not reached 6 months from now. You can't chase a goal, you have to live your goal. You have to detach yourself from the end result, and rather live presently in a state of maximum potential and good choice, and you will reach your goal. 

Reaching a goal is no one else's responsibility but yours and mine. So, detach yourself from the result you think you need to go chase, and start living your goal now. It's not about the end game, it's about the next play.

the power of many

I've always dreamed, if everyone at once decided to stop what they're doing, and put their thoughts towards the same exact thing, what could happen...what could be acheived.

Just think, a few brains came together and created the internet, or the space shuttle, or the car and plane. It started as a kernel of a thought, and with many brains behind it, evolved into something greater. Would you agree? Nothing is achieved alone. It always takes a team of people, who all bring different things to the table, to produce something magnificent. And, this doesn't just happen. It takes time, patience, dedication and energy.

Though, what if, with the holiday's coming up, and people seeking for meaning as we head into the New Year, what if we made what we truly desire known to the world. If we had the guts to say what we truly wanted without fear or hesitation, what could happen? What if we all did this, and by letting the world know, they repeat what you want, and you repeat what they want, and then eventually one turns into two, into six into twelve, and before you know it, thousands and if not millions of minds are working in tandem. This could be that you want peace in your family, or love in your life, or a new job, or a new friend, or reach a new goal, or peace and love in the world. Maybe, with you declaring to the world what you truly desire, it comes true. What do you have to lose? I do it every week, and though it was embarrassing at first, it's been life-giving....for myself and the people who engage in it. Why can't you did this?

I guarantee, if you have the courage to let the world know what you truly desire, the world will not only respect you more because of it, but it will honor your desire if it is truly for the better good (I'm not talking about getting a BB Gun for Christmas...though you can try).

So, as we approach the holidays and the new year, what do you truly desire? It comes true by letting the world know. So, let us know. We're waiting. We want to help, and we want you to help us.

Reply below, and to really let the world know, post this with your comments to Facebook. If you don't reply, maybe you don't embody the courage to do it, and unfortunately, if it is not here or somewhere else, your goals and desires will slowly die because you're holding them in. It's like anything else, if you hold it in, it slowly dies, and takes you with it.

Stop living in a shell, and come alive already.

We're waiting.

i'm on linkedin, i'm on facebook and twitter, my resume is out there...why can't i find a new job, dammit!

Alright, so this one is maybe a little more practical than just my opinions on life and my attempt to inspire the audience into believing in themselves, and the key to anything they want starting with them.

Actually, I just lied. This is still about you, and your abilities.

I remember when I first signed up for Linkedin, FB, TW, etc. It was annoying. "I have to build profile, input all of my credentials, works experiences, education, etc. What do these people think, I have all of the time in the world?"

Woe is me (and you). The world doesn't care about your time. The world/universe cares about your effort, choices and commitment.

It's probably taken me 4 years to get my Linkedin profile complete (up until this point) with relevant information that may make me stand-out versus other people (and vice-versa). I came to the realization that even after I had a nice profile, took the time to get it done, things weren't just going to happen. You see, a profile on any Social Network (Hey Nelly to Linkedin) portrays your commitment to yourself. If you half-ass it, then people are going to think you're lazy. If you don't take the time and commit yourself to making your outward facing information (Hey Nelly to Linkedin) your best stuff, then don't bother....because, unfortunately, no one cares, and they don't have time to make assumptions about you. And if you think you're being mysterious and leaving out information because "you don't need anyone" will make people think you're arrogant, and they will pass you by. The more, the better. Do you put that you were the captain of your team on your resume? Or that you played sports in college? Of course you did (I hope!! otherwise you are hugely selling yourself short), then you have to do the same thing here. People need the facts...you have them, but you have to take the time to put them in. At the least, most people only look to your profile to validate who you say you are....that alone could make or break you.

Don't sell yourself short either...one social network isn't the end all. You have to diversify...just think, if you put all of your money into one stock, and saw no, to negative returns, versus spreading your investment out, what do you think gives you the best chances for success? That's a simple one (now, go join your team on Hey Nelly). Or if you wore the same clothes everyday...eventually those clothes are going to wear down, and you're going to need new clothes. Same principal applies here. You need/have to continuously trickle in new avenues that have the potential to accelerate you both personally and professionally, otherwise you will begin to stagnate.

I heard an interesting thing the other day. We're all familiar with the phrase "Return on Investment (ROI)"....it's pretty overused, though think about the phrase "Return on Energy (ROE)", thus time. If you take 1 hour to really make your profile stand-out, that one hour could be the equivalent to a minimal $10-30K raise/new job, if not much, much more. Just do the math - $10-30K x 1 hour = $10-30K/hour. Not bad ROE...just made yourself a cool 10G's.

You just made an additional $10K-$30K because your outward facing information was crisp, clean, tight and thoughtful, and it took you 1-hour to do. What could you do with $30K?

Arguably, this is just the start. You have to now get yourself out there...meet a ton of people, start connecting with people with things in common (Sports - Hey Nelly Professional - Linkedin). That's been one of my most powerful tools that you're not taught in school.....networking. But not in the cheesy way, but in the way that gets someone excited about you. Maybe your neighbors, same school, mutual friends, same sports team, etc. You have to find that common ground when networking, and then build on that. Don't look to lean on family connections, because those tend to be only surface-level, and not truly valuable when compared to the connections you've made organically with your own efforts. Those are connections you can feel really good about. It's like buying your first car...when Mom and Dad bought it, people always gave you shit. When you buy it, people admire and respect your efforts because you were able to do yourself. Same logic applies here.

The net of this is, a combination of purposeful and well positioned outward facing material mixed with your ability to cultivate meaningful connections (built on the premise of mutual interests and commonalities) will result in a huge ROE for you both professionally and personally.

Does that happen overnight? No. It took me 3-5 years to build the beginnings of my own foundation, though if you wait to build yours, from your own organic efforts, just think of the people who do and how much further ahead of you they will be. This isn't about getting an 'A' in school. That doesn't matter anymore. This is the new way of school...it's called the real world.


As I've always been told by my Dad, or any other mentor in my life, if you really want it, go get it. Take the time.....it's pretty clear it's worth it.

i love how people think they know the future

Remember that weird noise the Jetson's ufo/plane/automobile made?

How many people thought that was the way it was going to be in the year 2000?!?! Ha. Us driving around in airborne cars. It would be cool, but I believe we call those airplanes now, and they've been around since the Right Brothers.

Or how about the year 2000 computer bug?

Or how buying a house will set you up for years to come with a return rate of 5-10% a year?

Or if you do this, this, and this, you will have this?

Or how about the media? The media has become 3 things: 1.) This or that is going to happen tomorrow. 2.) This is why what just happend will end the world. 3.) Gossip about other human beings we call celebrities.

Let's focus on #1, and the other future assumptions we make.....

If there is one thing we DON'T know, and we consistently get wrong, it's the FUTURE. Isn't that amazing? I mean, every publication, every news spot, everything you read and hear is always about how things will be in the future. I find this hysterical. We put these publications (or what have you) on pedestals, and believe them like gospel. But, take a moment to think about how you feel when you read, hear or see these things. Do emotions like: Fear, Despair, Discouragement, Hopelessness, Anxiety, Bewilderment, Confusion, Anger come to mind?

Pull yourself back a moment now. Do you like living your life with these feelings, all the time? I'm guessing no. Next, then why do you allow it to influence your being when in reality, it's wrong 99% of the time? Seriously, why do you do that to yourself?

It's about time to give the big middle finger to fear mongering bullshit that you allow so much of your life and inaction to be influenced by, and start taking in the things that really matter, and should be influencing us everyday: Hope, Love, Friendship, Community, Courage, Faith, Perseverance, Selflessness, and Health.

Why is it we get sick of reading about things that are good and positive, but can't get enough of the crap out there? Seriously, why? Because we've (you and I) allowed ourselves to become sheep, and influenced on empty, meaningless things, like what it's going to be like in the future....ha....how about, what are things going to be like right now? Today, this second, this moment. Is it too hard, too strenuous to think about the present moment? Does it take too much effort to remove yourself from the poor influences that rule your life? We need to stop being sheep, scardy cats, wimps. We've become those things we insult people with everyday. Start influencing your own life, your actions, your own present moment, and stop letting it be so influenced by this 'tagged' picture, that post, that prediction, what 'they' said or say....just stop, and take accountability.

Why do I care so much about this? Because if it doesn't happen, one thing I am almost certain of, the 1% of the predictions that will come true, is that we will have no souls, no spines, and ruled solely by what we're told. If you wonder why things suck, or times are tough, or why maybe you're unhappy at the moment, I promise, if you learn to influence your own life, live in the moment, those things will disappear, almost overnight. Don't believe me, just try it, but you have to trust it. If not, you can just sink back into being solely influenced about what you're told, and I can guarantee you will be lost forever. Do you want that?

I don't know shit, I don't know the future, but what I do know is that without personal accountability and action, every single day, you begin to die, and others around you start to follow suit. Is that the world you want?

The choice is yours. You future is dictated about what you do NOW!

Alright, off my soapbox. We're all in it together, but we each need to do our part.

trends and thanksgiving

For me, getting dressed for work is typically the usual: A nice collard shirt, a pair of slacks (I like my dark navy blues), and black shoes.

When it's not work time, usually it's a pair of jeans, a shirt with maybe a long-sleeve shirt over it, and gym-shoes (or my dorky hiking shoes, which Jenna loves!). If I'm feeling really motivated, I'll even comb my hair!! If not, my dingy Red Sox hat it is.

A far cry from what my female counterparts go through to get ready....men, ughhhh!

I know, I know....we have it easy. We don't shave, we fart all of the time, burp at will, over-eat, smell, and are in-general just pretty disgusting (just wait until Thursday! Your whole house is going to smell because of us!)

So, as my mind was wandering as I put on the same looking close day-after-day, I started to think with Thanksgiving around the corner of how our brethren dressed. For instance, Pilgrims...it seems like every picture of a Pilgrim I see is a man wearing knickers, high-socks, pointy black shoes, a log-sleeve shirt buttoned all-the-way up to the top, and a hat with a belt around it. Just think if I showed up like this to a meeting!! Do you think they would take me seriously? Ha, probably not. This style slowly evolved, though most of our earliest Presidents even donned the high-sock, knicker look.

Women, it wasn't much better for you. Everything was pretty much covered up, and the dresses seemed to be overly fitted for someone whose job was to just raise the kids, clean the clothes, milk the cow, collect the eggs, and cook (yes, we've come a long way).

If we go back further, it's funny to see what the trend was for that period of time. Actually my Hey Nelly video does a good job of depicting thist: www.heynelly.com. If it was King James and his Knights in shining armor, or Neanderthal vs. Homo Sapiens wearing pretty much nothing, each period of time represented what the norm was for that specific period of time.

Let's just go back to the 50's and 60's when letter-men sweaters, playing chicken, tight jeans, keds, and parted hair were swell, or the 70's when bell-bottoms and discos were groovy, or the 80's when lightening lines, flat-tops, and roller-rinks were cool, or in the 90's when flannels, timberland boots, and tattoos were phat. We can't forget parachute pants or starter jackets either!!! Those were awesome. The 2000's, well, we've seen better decades, but things like social media, Apple, and the Patriots, have changed life as we know it! (how can 1-team win 3-Superbowls in 1-decade...c'mon!).

Now, if you've lived through any of these periods of time, which more than likely you have, take a second and remember those special moments...moments that bring a big smile to your face....moments that make you really proud and happy. Any coming back to you? Maybe it was a football game, graduation, a winning goal, your first kiss, a new best friend, or any time of great joy. Any coming back to you?

It seems when I think of these times, they always tend to be around a central event, a culmination. But the funny thing is, is that this central event seems so constant, like I could depend on it, no matter what. It didn't care if I was in my Bulls Starter jacket, or maybe for you, the extra line you shaved in your head, or the new video game you got, it was just so dependable. You could look forward to it without hesitation, yet the central event never changes. Do you follow me? Maybe it was your birthday, a wedding, a birth, or maybe and most especially, holidays (hey, it's Thanksgiving this week!)

Do any moments of joy come from any central events in your life?

I ponder what it is about holidays that brings us so much joy, and the more I think about, the more I feel like I have the answer. What's so cool about things like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, 4th of July, is that no matter how hectic, discouraging, or mundane life is, these days bring moments of consistency into our lives. Actually, let me rephrase that. These days allow us to live in the moment. How many of us want days like Thanksgiving to end so we can get back to work the following Monday? Show of hands? Yea, not many. You see what these days do....actually, do you see what you let yourself do on these days? You let yourself live in the moment, just for that day, and never want to see the day end, because in that moment, so much joy is being experienced. Be it laughter, a backyard football game, your 3rd serving of turkey....I mean just talking about this bring a smile to my face (even chokes me up a little bit, admittedly).

I remember as a kid I would think: "I wish everyday was Christmas!!" Anyone else have the same wish....c'mon, anyone?? Ok.

You know what's so spectacular here? Is that the trend of the year doesn't matter. Who's playing on TV doesn't matter.

Days like Thanksgiving allow us to do what we truly yearn to do everyday.....just live in the moment, and be happy.....and content.....and loving....and full of joy and laughter.

I know for me, and most of the rest of you, days like these are fleeting and few and far between, but as we approach this Thanksgiving, and holiday season, let's collectively rediscover what it means to live in the moment, enjoy the day with family and friends, fill our bellies with homemade goodness, and......be thankful....for the moment.....because that's all that really matters

What if we did this everyday?

dream it, do it

I just got done watching this segment about the internet (on the internet), and how it is physical; that we can touch it.

Of course, this seems obvious, but you might have to admit that when thinking about the internet, one thinks - 'where the hell does it actually sit? I mean, I have a computer, and an internet browser, is that the internet?"

The interesting thing about this segment is that it talks about these 'hubs' of where different connections take place. Where most of the traffic in the world passes through. Isn't that funny/weird? That most of what I just typed, and what you are reading, passed through some 'hub' that connected my computer to the internet, then saved what I wrote to some server somewhere, and in turn, because you clicked a link, that server blasted off this particular group of information.

It then talked about how much of our 'systems' are setup very similarly...like networks....highways, flight patterns, shipping routes, etc. (check out the video here: http://vimeo.com/benmendelsohn/bundled)

The one thing they left out of this segment, was the power of the internet.

Do you know how powerful the internet is?

Actually, do you know how powerful all of the computers in the world are?

Just think about this for a second....if you combined all of the computers in the world....the one I am typing on, the one you are reading off of, the one that 'passes' all of our information around...there's literally billions of servers, and super-computers, and networks with fiber optic cabling, and high-speed connectivity....put these all together....do you know how powerful these are? Just take a guess of the power of all of this computing put together.....any guesses?

If you combined all of the processing power of every computer/server in all of the world, it doesn't even come close to the processing/computing power of 1 (ONE) human brain. Just think about that for a second....your brain is more powerful than the internet....it is more powerful than the technology that powers space shuttles and satellites...more powerful than the technology that powers our largest companies, institutions, and militaries....more powerful than every smartphone, iphone, tablet....ready for this....combined!!

Do you realize the power of what you have? Just read the above paragraph one more time....your brain...yes, your brain, not just some engineer's brain from MIT....your brain is more powerful, has more computing power, more processing power, than every single piece of technology in this world....combined!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

So, I was working out the other day doing my thing, and in Jenna's studio, there is a sign that says: Dream it, do it.

I just found it to be so powerful. Just think, with many brains working together, so much advancement has come about, and you have to believe that is the way it's meant to be...people's lives are being preserved more now than ever with advanced surgeries, and cures (yes, we still have a long way to go, but, advancement has brought us a long way), our ability to communicate is literally real-time. We can fly to one-end of the world to the other within 24 hours....all because someone dreamt it...and then did it. How cool is that?

You know what's even more cool? Their brain was no more powerful than yours.....they just decided they wanted to act on their dreams....in reality, that's what life comes down to....choice, and then action. There was many failures along the way, but with every sacrifice, a better advancement for humankind emerged. I don't think this can be doubted objectively.

My dream is to provide meaningful interactions for people who come from a similar background (teams, families, groups, etc.) and who went through like experiences involving sacrifice and advancement, together. I really dream and believe that the very open world we live in now can be honed, and leveraged for just you, and your closest ones. I don't think that's happening quite yet...it's still a little chaotic....would you agree? Updates, tags, tweets all over the place....all valuable, but not honed yet...still a little scattered. I want to change that.

What is your dream?

Do it.

handouts.....what are we waiting for?

It's pathetic....I have the same 3-4 places I go every week. Is the same true for you?

I mean it's really pathetic, and embarrassing because every time I go in, they know exactly what I want, how I want it, and have it ready.

That's the local Starbucks I go to (Dave goes to Starbucks? What a snob!)....the best staff I've ever seen.

So, I was in there today, and they're selling these new bracelets that in buying one, $5 goes to supporting job creation in America. Know anyone who needs a job?

We all do.

Let's back this up a little. Ever been to CVS, and they ask you to donate $1 to some cause just before you purchase? I get suckered into it every time, and I donate. However, in doing so, this is how I really feel when I see these things that guilt me into giving:

"Goddamit, just leave me alone! Stop milking me every chance you get...$1 is a lot of money to me these days, too, you know! Your charity isn't the only thing that needs money, assholes. Have you looked around? How about you give me a $1, you pricks!" And on, and on...

Do you feel the same? Do you really feel fulfilled when you give this $1, or does your conscience just feel better, and you can go on with your day? It's probably fair to say both, with a strong hint of "welp, my conscience is clear now, and that is all that really matters!!" Anyone? Me too.

So, we've all been there, and it's frustrating.

How about when your school asks you for money? Ha, same response?? I'm sure even more so if you're carrying a fat bill every month for the next 10 years to pay that education off.

It seems all of these institutions with a ton of money already, are looking to soak the people with no money...they're looking for hand-outs! It's funny to hear that our generation is just looking for handouts, yet every time we turn around, someone's milking us for this, or for that, or to pay this bill, or this student loan, etc. Or, your rent is ridiculous, the gas bill is robbing you, and doing it right in your face..your car payments suck, and dammit, why did I buy this house, my mortgage blows! Does this ring true?

So, there I was at Starbucks, and these bracelets were right in front of me. Again, to buy a bracelet was $5, and it went to creating jobs for people out of work.

Just before this, there was a kid outside holding up a sign that said, "Will work for food." He can't be more than 15....he's homeless, and his family is in shambles.

With this, my conscience kicked in, however that same guilty feeling actually didn't arise.

You know what feeling arose?

Compassion, hope, and selflessness.

Compassion....for people, who by the masses can barely pay their bills, send their kids to college at $50K/year, afford to put food on the table, pay for a family car, buy winter clothes. As much as people buy new things these days, there's 5x who won't even leave their houses anymore....because they're ashamed....of something that wasn't their fault (I don't care what anyone says, people have been screwed over). They feel down on themselves, because of the worthlessness that society and the economy has put onto them.

This isn't just the homeless or super poor people. These are everyday people, in every single town and city across America right now. Some may be coming off like they don't have these issues, but for the most part, people are really struggling to find meaning...to find hope....to find purpose...and to not feel worthless.

How many of you are experiencing this?

Maybe you have a job, but yet they are working you to the bone, and you haven't had a raise in 4-years, or it's been less than desirable, and you're still scrapping to get by, because that's what we're suppose to do, right? "Get a job, and climb that corporate ladder!!! Out hustle, be dedicated and work hard! You'll be the CEO someday!! TRUST ME!"...is that you? Are you satisfied?

Well, I'm not satisfied. Not in the least bit....but, I'm not going to sit back and complain. I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to be a positive change agent, because 'why not?'...I live once, and then the new replaces the old. I'm not going to wake-up and say "what's in it for me?", because, news-flash, there's nothing in it for you if you do not change the ways of society. We can't rely on 1-2 people to do it. WE NEED TO DO IT! What are we waiting for? This isn't about some protest. This is about creating opportunity for yourself. Committing to yourself everyday that you will be a positive change agent...even if that's contributing to a fund that helps people find work. Or if it's starting some new adventure, or business, or project you're passionate about, and in turn makes people's lives better. Yes, this requires action, not just screaming and yelling. The way of the world won't change, unless we change. Screw the leaders, you need to be a leader. You need to own up, and take chances, and go after what you really want to go after! Don't let yourself die on the vine in some shitty job....reflect, find your purpose, and go as hard as you can after it! That's what I vow to do.

I pray that we all start enacting change within our own worlds (mine included!) no matter how hard it is with the burdens we all carry (because we all do), and from that, the positive ripples will expand much further, and wider than the pain so many are experiencing right now. I've been known as Dave the football player, athlete, professional, yet, what am I doing to make people's lives better? In the end, that's all that matters.

What are we waiting for?

who cares?......spirituality

The one thing I can't stand are the people who put religion in your face!!

What makes them so much better than the person they're 'evangelizing' to? What makes them so 'righteous'? And the person they're speaking to so 'inferior'?

You ever hear the saying: There's 2 things you never bring up at a meeting or a party 1) Politics 2) Religion. Why is that?

I'm an Irish Catholic born and raised. I went to Catholic Elementary school as a kid, took a quick pit-stop at public schools when we moved to Massachusetts, and then back into an all-boys Catholic High School. There wasn't too much Catholicism going on in college (until I guilted myself into going to mass my senior year.....Irish Catholic guilt, what can I say?) and after college it's become more and more apart of my life. Well, it is my life, and actually always has been. Let me explain.

But before I do...let me just say that: I am not perfect, I make mistakes all the time, some people like me, some people dislike me, I am driven, I can be lazy, I eat healthy, I also eat pizza and ice cream, I exercise, I take days off, I like to take showers, sometimes I don't, I have courage, I have been hurt, I am determined, I am limited, I am a human.

Now that we have that out of the way, did you notice that 50% of those sounded cool, and the other 50% made me seem not cool? (depends on who you're asking.)

Well, you see, my goal is to be 100% cool. Who likes to be lazy, not shower, and take days off? (all of us!), but eventually if that's all we did, we would probably smell pretty bad and be drastically overweight.

Now back to you. Because this is about you.

Religion guides my spirituality. Does that make sense? Religion guides my spirituality. I am made in 3 parts: 1) Physical - flesh, blood, bone, etc. 2) Thoughts and actions combined with emotions and relationships. 3) My soul.

My spirituality is the life-line/the highway that connects all of these 3 (what the hell is Dave talking about??). Follow-me on this. When living on earth, you can't just have 1-part. You need all 3 to live, however there's no guarantees. If you let one dominate who you are, the other two will die. Each of these is like a muscle. If you don't work at it, they die. That goes for your soul, too (or relationships, work, etc, etc). There's plenty of people who have literally died, and don't even have #2 anymore...they're just flesh and bone. Isn't that sad? Do you want to be that person? Think about this for a second. If the whole 'muscle' theory isn't true: if you don't use it, you lose it, then why is the fitness and healthcare industry one of the biggest in our country? Go flex your muscles in the mirror right now (you know you want to, or maybe not)...are they big or small? Why? Well, you either workout a lot, and they are big/defined, or you don't, and you dread taking your shirt off at the beach. We're all in there somewhere on that scale.

What makes someone fit? Well, that's easy: exercise, rest, diet. They work at it, it becomes apart of their life.

Alright, off of working out. Do you see how all 3 are vital to being who you're fully suppose to be? 1) Physical - flesh, blood, bone, etc. 2) Thoughts and actions combined with emotions and relationships. 3) My/your soul. Let's take that a step further. My spirituality grows/strengthens my faith. My faith is in Jesus. Maybe for you it's Buddha, or your Pet Rock, however having a belief in something bigger than yourself is required for your soul (if you don't care about your soul, disregard this statement...I'm guessing you do, though). Have you ever thought about that? I mean, it's one of the most thought-about things throughout humankind, and deep down (I believe it's our souls, maybe you think something else, and that's ok), we yearn to know, we need to know, however sometimes we let our logic/reason disclaim any possibility that something greater exists than 'THE AMAZING HUMAN BEING - ROOOAARR!!". C'mon, you ever thought about this? Is there a God, is there not a God?

Okay, let's not confuse things. If you answered yes to the previous question, guess what, so did people of other religions (no way, I don't believe you Dave). Yep, maybe a Jewish person just answered yes. Maybe an Atheist just answered yes. Maybe a Catholic just answered yes. Maybe a Muslim just answered yes. At the end of the day, who cares? We're all on the path to find similar answers to our similar burning questions, regardless of religion. This is where faith comes in.....

Not every question has an answer. But for me, my faith answers the unanswered, and allows my spirituality to grow - Jesus de-clogs my spiritual pipes (speaking of which, I used a plunger on our sink the other day! what the...) - along with my other 2 parts to allow me to be fully alive (in him) and free flowing. Does this just happen? No, I work at it everyday. This includes prayer, reflection, humility (knowing where I can be better - again, de-clog it!) It's apart of who I am. That's the level of commitment I have towards deepening my faith, which in turn deepens my spirituality, which in turn deepens my physical being, which in turns makes my thoughts, actions and relationships: healthier, alive, and stronger. My relationship with God is far deeper than just de-clogging 'my spiritual pipes', it's a 2-way street, but for the sake of this piece, I hope it gets the point across. It is so very much more than that, and that cannot be written...only experienced...on a sunny day, or through time, work and commitment.

You see, this is about bringing YOU peace. It's about bringing YOU meaning. It's about enriching YOUR life, or in this case, MY life. Call it selfish. That's ok, because in living this way, you're fully alive. You're doing well.

Spirituality is the glue that makes us human. You can walk by someone and feel their energy, can't you? When you're in love, you just know it, right? Last time I checked, I wasn't walking around with some physical energy gauge on my Android that said "Good Energy/Bad Energy" every time someone walked by. This is built within you....and yes, it's invisible (I think, I've never seen it.) But in all seriousness, the deeper your spirituality, the more you're able to live in connection with yourself, your soul, and the others/world around you. How cool and liberating is that?? I think it is, that's one of the reasons it matters so much to me.

It allows you to understand yourself, your purpose, your meaning. Do these 3 things matter to you: yourself, purpose and meaning? I'm guessing 1A, 1B, 1C in regards to most important things in your life.

Start nurturing them, get to know them (yourself, purpose and meaning - spirituality). It doesn't happen overnight, and I am still working my ass off everyday to know them, but it's worth the effort. It's worth the time....if your way of doing it is through religion, cool...if not, just as cool. This is about you, knowing yourself, having peace within yourself, and heightening your purpose and meaning.

 That's spirituality.

what's with all of this 1%, 99% talk?

How many of us like a big, juicy steak?

Cheeseburger? With Bacon? (my favorite)

How about we round that out with a nice order of greasy, salty fries, and wash it down with a BIG beverage? How's that sound?

Ooh, almost forgot desert! Make that two scoops, I start my diet tomorrow..ha...ha...ha

Hungry?

I was talking with my dad the other day, and we were chatting about what makes us human (Dave talks about weird things with his dad). Have you ever thought about what makes you human? Well, to begin with we have eyes, ears, a mouth, nose, arms, legs, hands, skin, organs....some of us are tall, some of us are short...some are men, some are women....some have hair, some don't (you know who you are)....some are light complexion, some are dark complexion.....some are old, some are young. Let's take it a step further. What sustains human life? Well, there's food, air, water, sleep, work....but also, relationships, having fun, challenging ourselves, love and kindness, etc.

I want to focus on the food, water and air. Without these three, nothing matters....kind of weird to think about, but if you didn't have food, water, and especially air, close to every single day, you would die.....that's how fragile life is. Simply, life is unsustainable without these three. It doesn't matter how big your paycheck is, your job title, how many girlfriends you have, how fast your car is....simply, without food, water, or air you're gone....and everything you accumulated, disappears. Think about this for a second, it sounds weird, but without food, water, or air which are somehow magically created without human intervention (that still happens?!?!)....without them, I am not typing right now. Everything else builds on top of these three.

Where do these three come from? Earth. Everything we put into our bodies, good or bad, comes from Earth. The very thing keeping my ass planted on my seat typing right now (that's gravity for all you physicists out there), is Earth. It's the same thing my feet hit when I run. It's the same place that grows the fruits and vegetables that I eat. The same place that I get the water that sustains my life, or the air that fills my lungs. Little 'ol, under-appreciated, Earth. This is just the facts. It's not some granola-crunchy, hippie view of the world, it's the facts. Earth literally grows humans like plants....it's just we can walk around (no, I'm not on LSD right now).

You see, what I'm trying to do is paint a picture....that what makes up me, also makes up you. Again, what makes up ME, also makes up YOU. We drink the same water, we eat the same food, we breath the same air, from the same Earth. We're more than 99% identical. Did you know that? In fact, all mammals are over 99% identical.

So, in today's real-world, that 1% that everyone is talking about, are 99% the same as you and I (gross, I don't want to be considered one of them!) Too bad, you are.

What's really wrong with this picture? Is we've forgotten who we are as people. As humans. So much of our lives are based on class, or ranking, or "I'm apart of the 1%, kiss my ass" or "I'm apart of the 99%, wahh"...who gives a shit, on either side. Earth sustains us the same, and in order to follow our hearts, not the materials we accumulate....few or many. You can validate that by listening to your heart right now. Do you feel it calling you? Or maybe  you're stressed because you're not really listening to it?

Bottom-line is who gives a shit about classes, the percentage you fall in, what you make or don't make, or the horse and buggy you rode in on...all that matters is, when you wake up, and take your first breath, your first sip of water, and your first bite of food, that you know where that's coming from. And in turn, that you're answering what it's asking of you.

Are you listening to it? Or just taking it in, one sip, bite, breath at a time all for yourself, pointing your finger at others....because it's what's owed to you?

Think again.

you're sorry?....I forgive

I hate you! It's your fault! What the hell? Dude? Really, Really?!?!? What's their problem? Look at that person, hahahaha....

How many times during the day do you feel this type of anger? How many times do you judge others?

Why are we so mad?

I don't know about you, but something seems to drive me. Between passion, belief, faith, there's also something else at work.....my wounds (cry me a river, Dave). Unless you never reflect, you may not relate to this, but if you think about things weekly or even daily on what drives you, start to bring up the time your older brother or sister beat you up; or your mom and dad weren't understanding of you; or the hurt or embarrassment a sibling caused on your family because of their actions; or the time you were unjustly punished, benched, graded, mocked, made fun of, misunderstood, or treated. Even more severely, maybe abuse was in your life; maybe mom and dad weren't around; or maybe they didn't care about you and your dreams. On the flip side, maybe you were pushed to hard; expectations were set to high, and you failed. Maybe you're still trying to live up to those expectations today. Any of this true in your life? How does it make you feel to read this, and 're-hash' crappy feelings?

In your life, has any of these 'violators' come back to you, and said their sorry? How did you respond? Was it something like this: You, "It's ok, I forgive you." How you really felt, "You're sorry? Are fucking kidding me?!?! You're sorry??? I can't stand you! You've ruined so much of my life, you've taken so much from me. Everyday I wake up, I'm frustrated and annoyed because of people like you. Don't be sorry. Those are just words." And then you move on, possibly even more upset than before.  Anyone?

Well, that was me for a little while. I had a lot of reasons to be pissed....just like you. To be burned time and time again, and said sorry to, time and time again, when does it really become a reality?

I couldn't figure out why I was so mad, even-though I had been told sorry, or someone's new actions conveyed their deepest apologies towards me......I soon realized, after I let it consume me, or let it hold me back from my dreams, that it was no longer the 'violators' fault for letting my inner anger hold me back.....it was my fault.....I hadn't forgiven yet. 

You see, the words 'I'm sorry' are powerful, however the words 'You're forgiven' are the most powerful. It releases you.....it releases them. It makes the act that was so hurtful, go away forever. It tips the energy scales from negative, to positive, opening these positive reserves back up for you. Now think, if you learned to forgive, and move on, just imagine how tipped the energy scale would be on the positive side. Do you follow me? This isn't about the violator....they already said sorry. This is about YOU. Our natural want is for the violator to feel the hurt that we felt because of them, and we hold the key to it because we never forgive them.....well, guess what....you're hurting yourself at the same time. Do you care that much that this other person hurts, eventhough they've already said sorry, that you'll do it to your own expense....to your own hurt? Why?

The world hurts us everyday, in one way or another..that's just reality. And sometimes the hurt sticks around longer than others....because we let it. You let it. I let it.

Stop imprisoning yourself with past hurts, and unforgiven 'sorries'. You have a big beautiful life to live. It's yours. Be free.

I forgive.

Do you?

24 hours and counting.....repeat.

Have you ever thought about how much our lives are marked on time? I mean, literally everything we do has a time associated with it. I am this old. I have been at this same crappy job this many years. I graduated in 4 years....ooo, you did in 5, ouch. Usain Bolt ran the 100m in 9.6 seconds. I am driving this many miles per HOUR. A professional football game is exactly 60 minutes. Maybe over-TIME. What is time? Can I touch time?

Because I'm an uber-dork at times (did this nerd just use the word 'uber'....he is a dork), I decided during one of Jenna and my walks this past weekend in Maine that we should comprehend how old earth is. Gee, isn't that fun, sweetheart?! (yea, whatever Dave, weirdo). What made me think of this was we were walking on the ocean, and there were these big, beautiful rocks that the waves were crashing into. It was an absolute picturesque scene......the ocean mist was spraying everyone as they walked by, and the wind was hollowing.....it was pretty cool. I was looking at these rocks, and it hit me that they must've been thousands, if not millions of years old (there I go measuring the rocks in time). Those rocks have a pretty long life, and most likely don't care about time.....but yet slowly, but surely, the rock will disappear as the ocean wears it down. New rocks surface, and the process repeats itself (this is where we get sand in case you were wondering.) It made me realize how long a rocks life is, and how short mine is. I then started estimating earth's life (about 6 billion years), and then of course the sun (about 15 billion years), and then my own (hopefully 90+ years!....woohoo). As I then so nerdily put it, my life is a pimple on the ass of earth's time. I will be washed up into the sea, just like these rocks, and, you guessed it, the process will repeat itself....depressing? Not quite.

If there is one constant in this world, it is time. Things are born, and things die, yet nothing really stays the same. Even a plastic bottle will decompose after 1,000 years (yes, that is depressing). How many of us measure ourselves against time? 'Oh my God, I am almost 30 (me).' 'Time is ticking, and I'm not married yet, and don't have a boy or girlfriend in site.' 'Am I really in the job I want....oh no, I've wasted 5 precious years here.' Or, 'When I'm 40 I will be retired, and have millions of dollars!' (get off the couch first) or 'I can't wait until I'm 25 so I can finally rent a car!'. Why are we always chasing time? Is it because that is all we truly have? It's our one constant 'asset.'

I use to be the worst 'time-chaser' ever. I needed everything now, and if I couldn't have it, I forced it....sound familiar? We have so many expectations on us. Be married by this age. Graduate at this age. Have kids at this age. Be grandparents at this age. Be retired at this age. Buy my first house at this age. And on, and on, and on. Who are we living for?

You see, I decided somewhere along the line, after chasing time burned me 'time' and again, that chasing time, is actually wasting time. You follow me on this? The act of chasing literally means  'pursuing to catch up with' (google.com). After my first business failed, or I could barely make payments on my mortgage, or didn't have enough money to fix my house, truck, belongings, I realized chasing time was robbing me of the time I actually had.....

One thing I am very thankful for is my faith. It's been instilled into me by my family, school, friends, and by MY CHOICE, I make it apart of my life....apart of my time on earth. After many failures, one of the biggest things I've learned is to maximize the time I have......by living 24 hours at a time...i.e., 1 day. Within that day, I am going to commit to myself that I am going to give all of myself to the world, for just those 24 hours. I'm not going to worry about 48 hours from now, just those 24. I am going to set goals, and get 1-step closer to them, 24 hours at a time. This includes health, diet and exercise. It inlcudes prayer, and reflection.....friendship, community, hope, patience, forgiveness, love, perseverance, balance, tenacity, visualization, wisdom, kindness, charity, compassion, courage,  selflessness, and sacrifice. In 24 hours, that is all I am going to strive for. Nothing more, nothing less. I know, if I live my life according to these principals, 24 hours at a time, at the end of my days, I would have achieved so much, in the present moment. By assuming these principals, I release myself from the burden of time...I am no longer chasing, I am now living......do you see the difference? By living in the day....living within 24 hours, I make time, timeless.

24 hours, repeat....repeat what is good...repeat what is right....before you know it, 24 hours, turns into 24 days, into 24 years....reality will get rid of the old, and bring in the new. Why chase it?

don't you get it, it's my birthday....mom and dad

Does anyone actually remember coming into the world?

Your first tears, or your very first meal? Anyone?

I don't (that would be a little weird if I did).......but my mom does......and so does my dad.

I've always been so proud of my parents (wait, can't parents only be proud of their kids, does it work the other way....I guess so!) Let's start with my dad.

I don't know about you, but my dad's my hero. I remember when he taught me how to swing a baseball bat, throw my first pitch, or put on my first pair of shoulder pads. But more than that, I always admired how he lived/lives his life. Growing up, he was 1 of 9, and had 7 sisters. Their house was about the size of my garage. He was an all-state wrestler in Chicago, and Special Forces in the Marines (I always have fun telling people this, because it makes me feel like GI Joe is my dad.....if you're a guy, that's a pretty cool thing.) Pretty standard Irish Catholic family, however my Dad was/is determined to make something of himself. Those were the days when their moms and dads were working 7 days a week to support huge families, so a lot of his upbringing was to his own devices. How many of us would be able to raise ourselves, in essence? Not many. He persevered, went on to graduate college after Vietnam, and rode his way up the corporate ladder, while getting his MBA from one of the best University's in the world.....while fathering 5 children (yes, I am one of them), and working a full-time job.....I know, he's a badass. From there, he moved us out east, and joined a very well-known store/pharmacy (starts with a C), taking them from a mom and pop, to one of the most recognizable stores across the country....all while being my best friend, and mentor (I talk about Chris a lot, but Chris got it from my dad). He would then retire, and is now a Deacon. You may ask yourself, how does one go from being in Special Forces, to Corporate Executive to Deacon? Simple...he is a leader, who looks to maximize his every waking moment, while contributing everything he can to making a difference for his family, and the one's around him. He's also taught me how to be a man, and to believe in who I am. We talk all the time, about everything. Love, marriage, spirituality, the world, family, how to be a dad, sports, business...you name it, we talk about it. He's taught me how to be open with my thoughts, and how to challenge myself to become a better man. I'm pretty lucky to have someone like this to follow...to give sound advice to me based off of experience, trials and tribulations. He's so dedicated to my family and me, and lives with passion everyday. Talk about wild at heart....that's my dad.

Mom....full of tender love. Mom's have such deep love for their children, especially mine. My mom is a good ol' midwestern gal from Chicago. Born a Cubs fan, and loved the Bears. When I was a kid, my mom was so selfless.....I mean, my God, she had 5 kids within 7 years....don't see that much these days. She was tough, too. She always wanted the best of us, and made sure we were active in sports, school and faith. My mom's deep dedication to us taught me what it meant to be loving, and supportive, and faithful, and trusting....it wasn't easy being a mom of 5, but she hung in there, with grace, strength, hope and love....my mom never quit....and I can tell you right now, there's plenty of times if I were her, I would think about quitting.....but she didn't. I remember every holiday, she would make the house so warm. In fact, when I was a kid, fall was my favorite time. This time of year, my mom would hang up Halloween pictures all around the house because it brought her kids so much joy. Or for Christmas, make the house so festive that I couldn't wait to get home from school just to hangout (you know you did the same thing). Mom made home...home. As a guy, your natural tendency is to breakaway from mom eventually, and become a man...those years were tough for mom...though, because of her, as we became men, we were better for it because of her. I'm lucky to have a mom who loves so deeply, and though she's been through more than any of us can ever imagine, she still cares so deeply, and so gracefully.......the same way, when I first came into the world...the day I was born.

...it's my birthday in a couple of days...but really, Mom and Dad, my birthday is nothing without you. It's not the day where I selfishly claim to the world that "don't you get it, it's my birthday!!! Tag me, tag me, tag me", but rather, now, I am reminded of the day you BROUGHT me into the world....the same mom and dad team who cared and loved for me unconditionally....before I could remember.....the same way you do to this day.

So, happy birthday, Mom and Dad....today is really about you, and the complete selflessness it took, to make me who I am today. Thank you, and I love you.

death is a funny thing....you live on forever....

What an amazing thing death does (bear with me here for a few...).

There is nothing more human, more real, more inevitable than death (no, wait, don't leave....have the courage to read this, I think it will have a positive impact...it did on me).

Have you ever had a time in your life where the completely unexpected became a reality? Where some of your worst fears came true? What impact did this moment have on you? How did you respond? Was it the response you thought you would have?

A man by the name of Chris Nelson was my best friend. He was also my oldest brother. Chris was one of the most determined, tenacious, caring, respectful, passionate people I've ever had the chance to look up to. You may recall Chris from my previous stories. He was always my #1 fan in everything I did, and a true mentor.

Let's take a little trip down memory lane....

There we were in Chicago, and it was Chris' big day. It was his first day of playing town football! Before this, every single birthday, all my brothers and I ever wanted were those little football outfits, that came with a helmet, shoulder pads, pants and a shirt. These outfits were the coolest things, ever! Do you remember these? I'm not surprised if you don't....my dad used to take us to JC Penny to pick them up, and they were the cheapest little things, but you would've thought you just bought us tickets to the moon, we were so pumped (that, and if going to the moon was a cool thing?). I remember my mom had Chris wait until at least 7th grade to play. He was the oldest! And she didn't want her little baby getting hurt...totally understandable, but whoa, talk about pent up aggression! Chris hit that field, and he was a star from day one. 'The 10, the 5, touchdown! Chris Nelson! That's his 3rd of the day." Chris just had this natural ability to play football. He was super scrappy, fast as hell, and had amazing instincts. It soon became obvious his passion was football, and I just sensed it as his little brother. We were so proud of him, and couldn't wait to go watch his games.

Once Chris 'graduated' 8th grade, it was the same time my dad took new a job out east, so we had to move. Naturally, Chris was a little bummed. He was just about to start high school, and double-sessions were just around the corner....he had to leave behind his buddies that he became so close with....and mostly through football. One little part I forgot to mention was, I was able to start football in 3rd grade (I think I weighed 85lbs). Even in lieu of Chris' extreme anger at this (because I was able to start much younger than him), he supported me unconditionally. He would teach me how to tackle, how to jook and jive, and even taught me how to run with my pads low. If anyone reading this also had to tackle me when I was a running back, you can thank Chris for teaching me to run helmet first. This was all Chris.

The transition to the new town was a little apprehensive, as expected, but things slowly smoothed out, and Chris found himself on the freshman squad. Now, Chris wasn't your prototypical football player...at his tallest, he might've touched 5'6" (he would probably tell you 5'9") and couldn't of weighed more than 160lbs.......but goddam was he strong. I mean, for all you weight lifters out there, Chris could bench 315lbs, for 7-8 reps, and only weighed 170lb....are you serious! Anyways, he wasn't doing this as a freshman, and as most freshman, he was just beginning manhood and his search for who he was as a person and a young man. As with all my brothers and I, we had a little edge when we moved to our new town, and this really served Chris well. As with me, football also served Chris with so much meaning, and purpose. It's where he found his closest friends...guys like Paymen, and Jarred. By the time Chris became a Senior, his determination, work ethic and commitment earned his teammates respect, so much so, that they made him captain.....and he may have been the smallest guy on the team....seriously. I remember the high school had no training program, so Chris would actually invite the guys over to lift weights in my parents basement. Literally, there would be 30-40 guys screaming, and pushing weights in my basement every week. What a leader.

Chris went on to the Navy right out of high school. I definitely think he could've gone on to play football in college, but I don't think his heart was in it at that point. He headed off to boot camp, and became a man. Of course, being the leader he was, he tested higher than everybody, on almost every test, physically and mentally, that they made him Co-Chief Petty Officer, and was second in command to the head of his unit. What an honor! Boot-camp, as many of you know, is a long period of time, away from family. No Facebook, Hey Nelly, or Google+, just plain old letters. I remember Chris finally had the chance to come home, and I had the opportunity to go pick him up. I was so proud of him, I could barely wait to see him, I remember to this day the exact elevator he took, in the exact spot of Logan, that he came down. I know I've gone down it multiple times since, and it reminds me of Chris every time. There he was in his white uniform, shiny black shoes, and sailor hat. If you had a picture of my hero at that time, this was it. I was so happy, that this marked my first man-hug. That's right, my first hug of another man was Chris when he came home on leave. Of course, it didn't last long, but I didn't know how else to react. He looked great, and you could tell he had become a man.

I soon came to find, that the men in the navy also had a great time! For my 8th grade 'graduation', my mom was nice enough to buy me a ticket to go see Chris in Pensacola, Fl. where he was stationed. Whoa! Chris new all the spots, and every pretty woman on base was chasing after him. Just like him....have girls drooling over him. I remember this trip marked my first of many things. Chris and I had our first beers together (I know, I was young, what are you going to do), it was my first time jet-skiing, and it was my first time to Florida. I went home, and couldn't stop talking about it for weeks! I was so proud of him.

Soon, Chris would move on from the Navy, and found himself at Northeastern, where he played rugby. Of course, like many people, Chris wasn't sure if college was for him. He started a promotion company while at school to pay the bills, and thought he should just work for a while, and tend to school later. So, he did. Like many men at this age, it can be a confusing time. A time when you don't really know what you want to do. That said, Chris found a way to build a nice little resume for himself. He became the General Manager of a very well-regarded fitness complex, and low and behold, one of the people he trained was a Harvard Administrator. From there, Chris' life would change forever.

She saw something in Chris, and asked him why he didn't finish school. It didn't really have a good answer, so she suggested he come and interview to see if he may be able to take classes at Harvard. He did....and 2 years later, he went from college drop-out to Harvard graduate. Not bad. One of my favorite pictures from this time was Chris with his gown on, holding his daughter, my God Daughter, in his arms. Again, I was so proud of Chris.

Soon after this, Chris found himself starting a couple of companies. Of course the economy didn't help, but he pressed on. He was finding his way, and was becoming a man. I too was beginning to become a man, so we had a lot to share with one another, and always loved talking about business. He was super sharp, and a great business man.

We both bought houses close to one another (more, I bought a house close to Chris), so there was no shortage of sharing/stealing/taking without asking, of each others stuff, mostly yard stuff. Chris' lawnmower lived at my house for months on end (during the summer, and then I would give it back in winter!). We always had a good laugh about this. He would say, "Dave, will you bring my goddam lawnmower back?" Of course, after a few more weeks of cutting my lawn, I would surely surrender and bring it back.

As the economy got tougher, it definitely started taking it's toll on Chris. You could tell he was frustrated, and it was becoming visible. We would have one-less laugh, or just not talk at all. I hated this, but we were all experiencing the same thing. Chris, though, seemed a little more irritable, a little more upset...and we didn't know why.

Fast forward, end of July, early August 2009. It was time to bring Chris' lawnmower back. It was getting pretty dark out, and his new puppy was still outside on his leash. No lights were on in the house, and you could see a small glare of the TV. I just had this weird feeling going into his house. The aura was off, and it had been for several months at this point. I go in, and Chris was laying on his couch sleeping. Again, no lights, just TV. I shake him to awake him, and he wasn't responding. My heart dropped. Finally, I slapped him, and he woke up, and said, "hey man, what's going on." Relief.

Me, "Dude, what the hell! You scared the shit out of me." Chris, "Dude, I don't know what it is, but I'm so tired, and I can't feel my right arm." Me, "Dude, are you serious? You might have a heart condition, you should get that checked out." Chris (typical Nelson response) "No, I'm fine." Me, "If it persists, you need to go to the hospital. Give me a call, and I'll take you." Chris, "Ok, thanks man." I stayed a few more minutes and then went home.

The next day, Jenna and I headed into the city to eat with Jenna's family. It was a beautiful day, and the mood was good. We were driving home, and I saw I had a missed call from my sister. I figured I'd call her back once I got home. Soon after, I received a text message from her...

"Chris is at Mass General right now, he has 2 tumors on his brain."

.......my world stopped.

We were just leaving the city, and Jenna had no idea what I just read. I didn't even know how to say it. I just whispered it, and then turned around and headed to Mass General Hospital.

I arrived, and there was Chris and my mom and dad were with him. My brothers were just arriving as well. It turns out a detection of skin cancer they spotted a couple of years back had intensified, and spread throughout Chris' body. He had stage 4 melanoma, of which gave us, and Chris, a lot of answers for his irritability, and sleepiness over the past year.

I thought Chris was going to be devastated, but in someways, I saw relief. He was suffering from this, and had no idea what was causing his discomforts. They put him into emergency surgery to remove the tumors. This was successful, however after more testing, they found it had spread throughout his body, and had become terminal.....it was also August 13, his 30th birthday......we were crushed as a family.

You know, I never really thought how I would react to something this. You definitely think throughout time, "I really hope I don't lose someone close to me. I don't think I could live." And then this feeling becomes a reality. Here's my best friend, my brother, and he's dying of cancer....and he's only 30. I immediately turned selfish and angry, because I was going to miss him. But something almost very strange was happening with Chris. As the days moved on, and Chris began to fail more, he was also becoming more at peace, and more in love with the close ones around him. I took 3 weeks off from work, and we shared some of the most special moments I will ever remember. Gentle moments, moments of advice, moments of peacefulness and prayer, moments of laughing and crying, hoping and dreaming. In his last few weeks, Chris became so alive, so graceful, so courageous. He had such a deep faith, and no one really knew this about him until this moment in time. He was seeking people out to reconcile with, he was constructing letters to his daughter for her to read once she became a teenager, he was exuding love and forgiveness and friendship, to points I've never seen from him before. He was living life to fullest of his ability, in the face of death. Because he loved so deeply, and cared so deeply that what he left behind was at peace, and in-love. His battle with death brought our family closer than ever. Old friends were visiting, good laughs were being shared, and deep love was in the air.

I was lucky enough to have some deep and private moments with Chris. During one of his final weeks, we went to church together. At this point, he could barely walk, and had an oxygen tank next to him. We were walking into church, my dad just a little ways behind, and I asked Chris if he had 3 wishes, what would they be...not sappy wishes, but manly wishes, and if you know Chris by this point, you'll understand his wishes: "Meet the President, Make a Million Dollars in a Year, Go to Africa and See Lions." Sounds like a man, wild at heart. I let him know I would fulfill these for him, and me.

Chris died on October 14, 2009. His 2 year memorial is just a little over a week from today.

....That's also my birthday...and fitting enough, I was re-born on this day. To live a life full of strength, hope and love, as it's suppose to be, and in Chris' honor. These principals will live on forever, and they are the same principals that embodied Chris, as they are within me, with all my might. So, when asked if I responded the way I thought I would, I would say no. I responded with an extreme sense of purpose, my own and Chris', to live this life, and each day....anew.....with no fear.....with big dreams.... love....hope and strength....because with this, Chris, my friend....you will live forever, and I with you.

A note from Steve Jobs, RIP:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true."

men, we're wild at heart

Just before heading into Senior year in college, I remember I had a shaved head, a beard, I weighed 235lbs, and scared girls off because I was such a meathead...but I didn't care...I was wildman, and it felt so right. We were heading into Spring practice, and each senior had the opportunity to get up and give a speech on why they wanted to be captain. Everyone gave inspirational talks...I had nothing planned, and quite frankly, didn't know what I was going to say, so I just rolled with it. In rolling with it, I let my heart free...I realized any canned speech wasn't going to do, so I was just going to speak what I felt.

Something to this effect, "I will lead you into fucking battle. I am the machine gunner on top of the jeep, exposed, foaming at the mouth for anyone crazy enough to take us on. To take me on. I will not quit until we hold that trophy high, and are stomping up and down on Lehigh's field. I am your fucking machine gunner, ready to lay everything I have down for you. Are you with me?"

I was elected captain, maybe in part because of this weird speech....but it felt so right. I felt wild at heart, and it made me feel alive. My team made me feel alive. We were cavaliers on the run, men without a cause, warriors ready to do whatever it took to defeat their opponent. Have you ever thought why things like football, baseball, hockey, rugby, or any other sport, makes us men feel alive? Because it taps into what our hearts truly desire. As John Eldridge puts in his Book "Wild at Heart", a man's heart seeks 3 things: A battle to fight, An Adventure to Live, and a Beauty to Rescue......again, A battle to fight, An Adventure to Live, and a Beauty to Rescue...sounds about right.

A battle to fight. This also means, something to live for....and to passionately live for, to the point that you believe in it to your core, that nothing can sway this, or get in the way of it...purpose, meaning...sound familiar? We need challenge. We need obstacles. We need failures to get past. We need to win. We thrive on the verge of failure everyday. You ever think about that? When I played football, we were always on the verge of losing. When paying my mortgage got tough a couple of years ago, I was always on the verge of losing my house. Follow me on this...this doesn't mean I was a loser,  but the battle to fight inside of me and/or my teammates was so strong, so alive, that losing did not become an option. This makes us men. Physically, emotionally, physiologically, this makes us men. When we lose, why do we feel so bad? Because we're made to win. Always. Now, when I wake up every morning, I reflect on what my battle to fight is. Be more balanced? Grow deeper in my faith? Achieve meaningful, purposeful, fulfilling things? What are those things? How will I get there? Am I on way now? No? Why not? You see, this is the male mind. We need a battle to fight...good, bad, or indifferent. That said, as a man, the battle is up to you to fight, and what that battle is makes a big difference.

What is your battle to fight? Is it making a positive difference?

An Adventure to Live. God I love this one. An Adventure to Live. What a contrast to how most of us men are really living our lives. You know, you were made for this....truly, you were. We take this for granted. Take a moment to reflect what men have accomplished (and women) who chose to have an adventure to live. This means, letting go...releasing....moving past assumptions, or what others think is right and wrong. It's about creating your path, your own legacy. How many times have you been told, "oooo, that's risky." Or, "Don't be a fool, get your education, get a job, get a home". I'm typing on a computer someone was crazy enough to dream up. Or on a website, some person decided they were going to run with. Or how about living in America. We had some old Yankees fight off the powerful British because they finally had enough, let go, and from there America was born. America...like it or not, and it sucks at the moment, the core of our country was built by men who had an adventure to live, and try to expand beyond their current situation. I vow to have an adventure to live...it makes life worth living...strange isn't, it makes life worth living....as a man. I will try new things, blaze paths I believe are right, and live looking back with no regrets. (As a side exercise, take a moment, and pretend you're an 80 year-old man or woman. Now, pretend you're sitting at your front porch, looking back on your life. What do you see? Do you like what you see? Do you have any regrets? Anything you wish you did or tried, but now it's too late? Think about this everyday). I will throw aside my assumptions, and try new things, and will not wait until it's too late.

What's your adventure to live? Do you have many assumptions holding you back?

A beauty to rescue. My beautiful wife, Jenna. I will do anything for her, and for our family. I will hunt and gather, and put my life on the line to keep them safe and happy. Before I had Jenna, I didn't realize this, but having a beauty to rescue gives man some of his deepest meaning. I am meant to protect the beauty and sanctity of my family, and anyone who comes in the way of that, violates man at his deepest level. Some men even get mad if another man is simply talking to his beauty. Sound familiar? This gives us meaning. But, it's hard to find. I consider myself a lucky man. Having a beauty to rescue makes up 1/3 of why I exist. Not having that, makes men only 2/3 man. That said, a beauty doesn't just accept any man, a beauty accepts a man who has the first two things down. They want a man, a strong, masculine man, who is not afraid to live life, and will fight with all of his might for what he believes in. Is that you?

Men, we're wild at heart. We're required to be these things, yet, life finds a way to castrate men...leaving them meaningless, with nothing to fight for, no adventure to hang his hat on, and not a beauty in the world who will look twice at him.

A great philosopher once said, "All men die, few actually live."

Embrace who you are....as a man....wild at heart.