death is a funny thing....you live on forever....

What an amazing thing death does (bear with me here for a few...).

There is nothing more human, more real, more inevitable than death (no, wait, don't leave....have the courage to read this, I think it will have a positive impact...it did on me).

Have you ever had a time in your life where the completely unexpected became a reality? Where some of your worst fears came true? What impact did this moment have on you? How did you respond? Was it the response you thought you would have?

A man by the name of Chris Nelson was my best friend. He was also my oldest brother. Chris was one of the most determined, tenacious, caring, respectful, passionate people I've ever had the chance to look up to. You may recall Chris from my previous stories. He was always my #1 fan in everything I did, and a true mentor.

Let's take a little trip down memory lane....

There we were in Chicago, and it was Chris' big day. It was his first day of playing town football! Before this, every single birthday, all my brothers and I ever wanted were those little football outfits, that came with a helmet, shoulder pads, pants and a shirt. These outfits were the coolest things, ever! Do you remember these? I'm not surprised if you don't....my dad used to take us to JC Penny to pick them up, and they were the cheapest little things, but you would've thought you just bought us tickets to the moon, we were so pumped (that, and if going to the moon was a cool thing?). I remember my mom had Chris wait until at least 7th grade to play. He was the oldest! And she didn't want her little baby getting hurt...totally understandable, but whoa, talk about pent up aggression! Chris hit that field, and he was a star from day one. 'The 10, the 5, touchdown! Chris Nelson! That's his 3rd of the day." Chris just had this natural ability to play football. He was super scrappy, fast as hell, and had amazing instincts. It soon became obvious his passion was football, and I just sensed it as his little brother. We were so proud of him, and couldn't wait to go watch his games.

Once Chris 'graduated' 8th grade, it was the same time my dad took new a job out east, so we had to move. Naturally, Chris was a little bummed. He was just about to start high school, and double-sessions were just around the corner....he had to leave behind his buddies that he became so close with....and mostly through football. One little part I forgot to mention was, I was able to start football in 3rd grade (I think I weighed 85lbs). Even in lieu of Chris' extreme anger at this (because I was able to start much younger than him), he supported me unconditionally. He would teach me how to tackle, how to jook and jive, and even taught me how to run with my pads low. If anyone reading this also had to tackle me when I was a running back, you can thank Chris for teaching me to run helmet first. This was all Chris.

The transition to the new town was a little apprehensive, as expected, but things slowly smoothed out, and Chris found himself on the freshman squad. Now, Chris wasn't your prototypical football player...at his tallest, he might've touched 5'6" (he would probably tell you 5'9") and couldn't of weighed more than 160lbs.......but goddam was he strong. I mean, for all you weight lifters out there, Chris could bench 315lbs, for 7-8 reps, and only weighed 170lb....are you serious! Anyways, he wasn't doing this as a freshman, and as most freshman, he was just beginning manhood and his search for who he was as a person and a young man. As with all my brothers and I, we had a little edge when we moved to our new town, and this really served Chris well. As with me, football also served Chris with so much meaning, and purpose. It's where he found his closest friends...guys like Paymen, and Jarred. By the time Chris became a Senior, his determination, work ethic and commitment earned his teammates respect, so much so, that they made him captain.....and he may have been the smallest guy on the team....seriously. I remember the high school had no training program, so Chris would actually invite the guys over to lift weights in my parents basement. Literally, there would be 30-40 guys screaming, and pushing weights in my basement every week. What a leader.

Chris went on to the Navy right out of high school. I definitely think he could've gone on to play football in college, but I don't think his heart was in it at that point. He headed off to boot camp, and became a man. Of course, being the leader he was, he tested higher than everybody, on almost every test, physically and mentally, that they made him Co-Chief Petty Officer, and was second in command to the head of his unit. What an honor! Boot-camp, as many of you know, is a long period of time, away from family. No Facebook, Hey Nelly, or Google+, just plain old letters. I remember Chris finally had the chance to come home, and I had the opportunity to go pick him up. I was so proud of him, I could barely wait to see him, I remember to this day the exact elevator he took, in the exact spot of Logan, that he came down. I know I've gone down it multiple times since, and it reminds me of Chris every time. There he was in his white uniform, shiny black shoes, and sailor hat. If you had a picture of my hero at that time, this was it. I was so happy, that this marked my first man-hug. That's right, my first hug of another man was Chris when he came home on leave. Of course, it didn't last long, but I didn't know how else to react. He looked great, and you could tell he had become a man.

I soon came to find, that the men in the navy also had a great time! For my 8th grade 'graduation', my mom was nice enough to buy me a ticket to go see Chris in Pensacola, Fl. where he was stationed. Whoa! Chris new all the spots, and every pretty woman on base was chasing after him. Just like him....have girls drooling over him. I remember this trip marked my first of many things. Chris and I had our first beers together (I know, I was young, what are you going to do), it was my first time jet-skiing, and it was my first time to Florida. I went home, and couldn't stop talking about it for weeks! I was so proud of him.

Soon, Chris would move on from the Navy, and found himself at Northeastern, where he played rugby. Of course, like many people, Chris wasn't sure if college was for him. He started a promotion company while at school to pay the bills, and thought he should just work for a while, and tend to school later. So, he did. Like many men at this age, it can be a confusing time. A time when you don't really know what you want to do. That said, Chris found a way to build a nice little resume for himself. He became the General Manager of a very well-regarded fitness complex, and low and behold, one of the people he trained was a Harvard Administrator. From there, Chris' life would change forever.

She saw something in Chris, and asked him why he didn't finish school. It didn't really have a good answer, so she suggested he come and interview to see if he may be able to take classes at Harvard. He did....and 2 years later, he went from college drop-out to Harvard graduate. Not bad. One of my favorite pictures from this time was Chris with his gown on, holding his daughter, my God Daughter, in his arms. Again, I was so proud of Chris.

Soon after this, Chris found himself starting a couple of companies. Of course the economy didn't help, but he pressed on. He was finding his way, and was becoming a man. I too was beginning to become a man, so we had a lot to share with one another, and always loved talking about business. He was super sharp, and a great business man.

We both bought houses close to one another (more, I bought a house close to Chris), so there was no shortage of sharing/stealing/taking without asking, of each others stuff, mostly yard stuff. Chris' lawnmower lived at my house for months on end (during the summer, and then I would give it back in winter!). We always had a good laugh about this. He would say, "Dave, will you bring my goddam lawnmower back?" Of course, after a few more weeks of cutting my lawn, I would surely surrender and bring it back.

As the economy got tougher, it definitely started taking it's toll on Chris. You could tell he was frustrated, and it was becoming visible. We would have one-less laugh, or just not talk at all. I hated this, but we were all experiencing the same thing. Chris, though, seemed a little more irritable, a little more upset...and we didn't know why.

Fast forward, end of July, early August 2009. It was time to bring Chris' lawnmower back. It was getting pretty dark out, and his new puppy was still outside on his leash. No lights were on in the house, and you could see a small glare of the TV. I just had this weird feeling going into his house. The aura was off, and it had been for several months at this point. I go in, and Chris was laying on his couch sleeping. Again, no lights, just TV. I shake him to awake him, and he wasn't responding. My heart dropped. Finally, I slapped him, and he woke up, and said, "hey man, what's going on." Relief.

Me, "Dude, what the hell! You scared the shit out of me." Chris, "Dude, I don't know what it is, but I'm so tired, and I can't feel my right arm." Me, "Dude, are you serious? You might have a heart condition, you should get that checked out." Chris (typical Nelson response) "No, I'm fine." Me, "If it persists, you need to go to the hospital. Give me a call, and I'll take you." Chris, "Ok, thanks man." I stayed a few more minutes and then went home.

The next day, Jenna and I headed into the city to eat with Jenna's family. It was a beautiful day, and the mood was good. We were driving home, and I saw I had a missed call from my sister. I figured I'd call her back once I got home. Soon after, I received a text message from her...

"Chris is at Mass General right now, he has 2 tumors on his brain."

.......my world stopped.

We were just leaving the city, and Jenna had no idea what I just read. I didn't even know how to say it. I just whispered it, and then turned around and headed to Mass General Hospital.

I arrived, and there was Chris and my mom and dad were with him. My brothers were just arriving as well. It turns out a detection of skin cancer they spotted a couple of years back had intensified, and spread throughout Chris' body. He had stage 4 melanoma, of which gave us, and Chris, a lot of answers for his irritability, and sleepiness over the past year.

I thought Chris was going to be devastated, but in someways, I saw relief. He was suffering from this, and had no idea what was causing his discomforts. They put him into emergency surgery to remove the tumors. This was successful, however after more testing, they found it had spread throughout his body, and had become terminal.....it was also August 13, his 30th birthday......we were crushed as a family.

You know, I never really thought how I would react to something this. You definitely think throughout time, "I really hope I don't lose someone close to me. I don't think I could live." And then this feeling becomes a reality. Here's my best friend, my brother, and he's dying of cancer....and he's only 30. I immediately turned selfish and angry, because I was going to miss him. But something almost very strange was happening with Chris. As the days moved on, and Chris began to fail more, he was also becoming more at peace, and more in love with the close ones around him. I took 3 weeks off from work, and we shared some of the most special moments I will ever remember. Gentle moments, moments of advice, moments of peacefulness and prayer, moments of laughing and crying, hoping and dreaming. In his last few weeks, Chris became so alive, so graceful, so courageous. He had such a deep faith, and no one really knew this about him until this moment in time. He was seeking people out to reconcile with, he was constructing letters to his daughter for her to read once she became a teenager, he was exuding love and forgiveness and friendship, to points I've never seen from him before. He was living life to fullest of his ability, in the face of death. Because he loved so deeply, and cared so deeply that what he left behind was at peace, and in-love. His battle with death brought our family closer than ever. Old friends were visiting, good laughs were being shared, and deep love was in the air.

I was lucky enough to have some deep and private moments with Chris. During one of his final weeks, we went to church together. At this point, he could barely walk, and had an oxygen tank next to him. We were walking into church, my dad just a little ways behind, and I asked Chris if he had 3 wishes, what would they be...not sappy wishes, but manly wishes, and if you know Chris by this point, you'll understand his wishes: "Meet the President, Make a Million Dollars in a Year, Go to Africa and See Lions." Sounds like a man, wild at heart. I let him know I would fulfill these for him, and me.

Chris died on October 14, 2009. His 2 year memorial is just a little over a week from today.

....That's also my birthday...and fitting enough, I was re-born on this day. To live a life full of strength, hope and love, as it's suppose to be, and in Chris' honor. These principals will live on forever, and they are the same principals that embodied Chris, as they are within me, with all my might. So, when asked if I responded the way I thought I would, I would say no. I responded with an extreme sense of purpose, my own and Chris', to live this life, and each day....anew.....with no fear.....with big dreams.... love....hope and strength....because with this, Chris, my friend....you will live forever, and I with you.

A note from Steve Jobs, RIP:

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true."