detachment and success

Q: Alright, Dave, what's up with all of these 'motivational blogs'?

A: I don't know...it's just top of mind, and I felt it worth sharing. I'm also finding as I write these, that in essence, I'm outwardly expressing how I hope to live my life everyday. So, in a backwards sort of a way, it's my way of letting the world know my intentions and desires. This blog allows me to express them to you, and in turn, you use them for your own benefit.

Onwards!!

It's funny, I've always been told, "to succeed, you have to set goals and reach those goals"

How about you? Sound familiar?

Ever set a goal, and never reach it?

Do you find yourself chasing that goal, and feeling discouraged when the same outcome comes true?

I've been reading a really cool book called "The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success" (oh great, Dave's going to go all Bible on us..)

Not quite. Actually, the book talks about some interesting things like "The Law of Intention" or "The Law of Dharma" or "The Law of Giving", etc. You recognize the word 'Law' quite a bit, but in it's truest sense, the word law in indisputable; it's fact, it's constant, it's un-flexible, it's true. For instance, many things are 'Law', like, oh I don't know, death, birth, an object in motion, stays in motion, gravity, and on, and on...I think you get the point. These things can't be contested. I mean you can try, but I'm pretty sure if you jump out of a plane, the law of gravity will pull straight to the center of Earth. Is it the 'Law' or the 'Gravity' that pulls you down? Well, maybe you philosophy majors can dispute that. Either way, your ass is coming down.

One of the more interesting Laws, is the Law of Detachment. It's interesting, I was just reading an article entitled, "What Psychological Techniques Did The Government Use To Increase Navy SEAL Passing Rates" (read more here: http://www.businessinsider.com/what-four-psychological-techniques-did-the-government-use-to-increase-navy-seal-passing-rates-2011-12). Throughout it, it talks about goal setting, but not in the sense we're used to.

99% of people's goals beat to the tune of: "I want a million dollars" "I want to lose 10 pounds" "I want a boyfriend or girlfriend" "I want an A" "I want to run a 6 minute mile" and on. 

Would you agree? How many people actually reach their goals? (sorry for the 99%/1% analogy, but maybe some truth here, and reason why some are in the 1% or 99%? Just throwing it out there).

You see, reaching a goal, is different than chasing a result. Again, goals do not equal results. A goal is  a point in time that you have come to that matches the efforts you put forth leading up to that point in time. Let's simplify this a little. A goal is achieved in what you do right now. It is not achieved in it's entirety. Do you see the difference? A goal is the sum of many milestones being achieved. Reaching a goal is an accumulation, it is not a single event.

In this article, it talks about Navy Seal pass rates are going up because of some of the similar "goal setting" techniques. It's not that they don't want to finish BUD/S (that's the Law of Intention and Desire), it's that they have to detach themselves from the end result, to actually reach the end result. Again, you have to detach yourself from your goal to reach your goal. Sound kind of weird?

The reality is, to reach a goal, you have to live your life every moment, to your maximum ability, and therefore, with each action or choice you make, it will naturally lead you to your goal. This means that, the less you are trying to reach a "Goal" living your life narrowly focused on just the goal, but rather live your life to the fullest of your potential, and with the desire and intention to reach this goal, you naturally will do so, with no extra effort. Does that make sense? Goals are reached in the "here and now", they are not reached 6 months from now. You can't chase a goal, you have to live your goal. You have to detach yourself from the end result, and rather live presently in a state of maximum potential and good choice, and you will reach your goal. 

Reaching a goal is no one else's responsibility but yours and mine. So, detach yourself from the result you think you need to go chase, and start living your goal now. It's not about the end game, it's about the next play.

the power of many

I've always dreamed, if everyone at once decided to stop what they're doing, and put their thoughts towards the same exact thing, what could happen...what could be acheived.

Just think, a few brains came together and created the internet, or the space shuttle, or the car and plane. It started as a kernel of a thought, and with many brains behind it, evolved into something greater. Would you agree? Nothing is achieved alone. It always takes a team of people, who all bring different things to the table, to produce something magnificent. And, this doesn't just happen. It takes time, patience, dedication and energy.

Though, what if, with the holiday's coming up, and people seeking for meaning as we head into the New Year, what if we made what we truly desire known to the world. If we had the guts to say what we truly wanted without fear or hesitation, what could happen? What if we all did this, and by letting the world know, they repeat what you want, and you repeat what they want, and then eventually one turns into two, into six into twelve, and before you know it, thousands and if not millions of minds are working in tandem. This could be that you want peace in your family, or love in your life, or a new job, or a new friend, or reach a new goal, or peace and love in the world. Maybe, with you declaring to the world what you truly desire, it comes true. What do you have to lose? I do it every week, and though it was embarrassing at first, it's been life-giving....for myself and the people who engage in it. Why can't you did this?

I guarantee, if you have the courage to let the world know what you truly desire, the world will not only respect you more because of it, but it will honor your desire if it is truly for the better good (I'm not talking about getting a BB Gun for Christmas...though you can try).

So, as we approach the holidays and the new year, what do you truly desire? It comes true by letting the world know. So, let us know. We're waiting. We want to help, and we want you to help us.

Reply below, and to really let the world know, post this with your comments to Facebook. If you don't reply, maybe you don't embody the courage to do it, and unfortunately, if it is not here or somewhere else, your goals and desires will slowly die because you're holding them in. It's like anything else, if you hold it in, it slowly dies, and takes you with it.

Stop living in a shell, and come alive already.

We're waiting.

i'm on linkedin, i'm on facebook and twitter, my resume is out there...why can't i find a new job, dammit!

Alright, so this one is maybe a little more practical than just my opinions on life and my attempt to inspire the audience into believing in themselves, and the key to anything they want starting with them.

Actually, I just lied. This is still about you, and your abilities.

I remember when I first signed up for Linkedin, FB, TW, etc. It was annoying. "I have to build profile, input all of my credentials, works experiences, education, etc. What do these people think, I have all of the time in the world?"

Woe is me (and you). The world doesn't care about your time. The world/universe cares about your effort, choices and commitment.

It's probably taken me 4 years to get my Linkedin profile complete (up until this point) with relevant information that may make me stand-out versus other people (and vice-versa). I came to the realization that even after I had a nice profile, took the time to get it done, things weren't just going to happen. You see, a profile on any Social Network (Hey Nelly to Linkedin) portrays your commitment to yourself. If you half-ass it, then people are going to think you're lazy. If you don't take the time and commit yourself to making your outward facing information (Hey Nelly to Linkedin) your best stuff, then don't bother....because, unfortunately, no one cares, and they don't have time to make assumptions about you. And if you think you're being mysterious and leaving out information because "you don't need anyone" will make people think you're arrogant, and they will pass you by. The more, the better. Do you put that you were the captain of your team on your resume? Or that you played sports in college? Of course you did (I hope!! otherwise you are hugely selling yourself short), then you have to do the same thing here. People need the facts...you have them, but you have to take the time to put them in. At the least, most people only look to your profile to validate who you say you are....that alone could make or break you.

Don't sell yourself short either...one social network isn't the end all. You have to diversify...just think, if you put all of your money into one stock, and saw no, to negative returns, versus spreading your investment out, what do you think gives you the best chances for success? That's a simple one (now, go join your team on Hey Nelly). Or if you wore the same clothes everyday...eventually those clothes are going to wear down, and you're going to need new clothes. Same principal applies here. You need/have to continuously trickle in new avenues that have the potential to accelerate you both personally and professionally, otherwise you will begin to stagnate.

I heard an interesting thing the other day. We're all familiar with the phrase "Return on Investment (ROI)"....it's pretty overused, though think about the phrase "Return on Energy (ROE)", thus time. If you take 1 hour to really make your profile stand-out, that one hour could be the equivalent to a minimal $10-30K raise/new job, if not much, much more. Just do the math - $10-30K x 1 hour = $10-30K/hour. Not bad ROE...just made yourself a cool 10G's.

You just made an additional $10K-$30K because your outward facing information was crisp, clean, tight and thoughtful, and it took you 1-hour to do. What could you do with $30K?

Arguably, this is just the start. You have to now get yourself out there...meet a ton of people, start connecting with people with things in common (Sports - Hey Nelly Professional - Linkedin). That's been one of my most powerful tools that you're not taught in school.....networking. But not in the cheesy way, but in the way that gets someone excited about you. Maybe your neighbors, same school, mutual friends, same sports team, etc. You have to find that common ground when networking, and then build on that. Don't look to lean on family connections, because those tend to be only surface-level, and not truly valuable when compared to the connections you've made organically with your own efforts. Those are connections you can feel really good about. It's like buying your first car...when Mom and Dad bought it, people always gave you shit. When you buy it, people admire and respect your efforts because you were able to do yourself. Same logic applies here.

The net of this is, a combination of purposeful and well positioned outward facing material mixed with your ability to cultivate meaningful connections (built on the premise of mutual interests and commonalities) will result in a huge ROE for you both professionally and personally.

Does that happen overnight? No. It took me 3-5 years to build the beginnings of my own foundation, though if you wait to build yours, from your own organic efforts, just think of the people who do and how much further ahead of you they will be. This isn't about getting an 'A' in school. That doesn't matter anymore. This is the new way of school...it's called the real world.


As I've always been told by my Dad, or any other mentor in my life, if you really want it, go get it. Take the time.....it's pretty clear it's worth it.

i love how people think they know the future

Remember that weird noise the Jetson's ufo/plane/automobile made?

How many people thought that was the way it was going to be in the year 2000?!?! Ha. Us driving around in airborne cars. It would be cool, but I believe we call those airplanes now, and they've been around since the Right Brothers.

Or how about the year 2000 computer bug?

Or how buying a house will set you up for years to come with a return rate of 5-10% a year?

Or if you do this, this, and this, you will have this?

Or how about the media? The media has become 3 things: 1.) This or that is going to happen tomorrow. 2.) This is why what just happend will end the world. 3.) Gossip about other human beings we call celebrities.

Let's focus on #1, and the other future assumptions we make.....

If there is one thing we DON'T know, and we consistently get wrong, it's the FUTURE. Isn't that amazing? I mean, every publication, every news spot, everything you read and hear is always about how things will be in the future. I find this hysterical. We put these publications (or what have you) on pedestals, and believe them like gospel. But, take a moment to think about how you feel when you read, hear or see these things. Do emotions like: Fear, Despair, Discouragement, Hopelessness, Anxiety, Bewilderment, Confusion, Anger come to mind?

Pull yourself back a moment now. Do you like living your life with these feelings, all the time? I'm guessing no. Next, then why do you allow it to influence your being when in reality, it's wrong 99% of the time? Seriously, why do you do that to yourself?

It's about time to give the big middle finger to fear mongering bullshit that you allow so much of your life and inaction to be influenced by, and start taking in the things that really matter, and should be influencing us everyday: Hope, Love, Friendship, Community, Courage, Faith, Perseverance, Selflessness, and Health.

Why is it we get sick of reading about things that are good and positive, but can't get enough of the crap out there? Seriously, why? Because we've (you and I) allowed ourselves to become sheep, and influenced on empty, meaningless things, like what it's going to be like in the future....ha....how about, what are things going to be like right now? Today, this second, this moment. Is it too hard, too strenuous to think about the present moment? Does it take too much effort to remove yourself from the poor influences that rule your life? We need to stop being sheep, scardy cats, wimps. We've become those things we insult people with everyday. Start influencing your own life, your actions, your own present moment, and stop letting it be so influenced by this 'tagged' picture, that post, that prediction, what 'they' said or say....just stop, and take accountability.

Why do I care so much about this? Because if it doesn't happen, one thing I am almost certain of, the 1% of the predictions that will come true, is that we will have no souls, no spines, and ruled solely by what we're told. If you wonder why things suck, or times are tough, or why maybe you're unhappy at the moment, I promise, if you learn to influence your own life, live in the moment, those things will disappear, almost overnight. Don't believe me, just try it, but you have to trust it. If not, you can just sink back into being solely influenced about what you're told, and I can guarantee you will be lost forever. Do you want that?

I don't know shit, I don't know the future, but what I do know is that without personal accountability and action, every single day, you begin to die, and others around you start to follow suit. Is that the world you want?

The choice is yours. You future is dictated about what you do NOW!

Alright, off my soapbox. We're all in it together, but we each need to do our part.

trends and thanksgiving

For me, getting dressed for work is typically the usual: A nice collard shirt, a pair of slacks (I like my dark navy blues), and black shoes.

When it's not work time, usually it's a pair of jeans, a shirt with maybe a long-sleeve shirt over it, and gym-shoes (or my dorky hiking shoes, which Jenna loves!). If I'm feeling really motivated, I'll even comb my hair!! If not, my dingy Red Sox hat it is.

A far cry from what my female counterparts go through to get ready....men, ughhhh!

I know, I know....we have it easy. We don't shave, we fart all of the time, burp at will, over-eat, smell, and are in-general just pretty disgusting (just wait until Thursday! Your whole house is going to smell because of us!)

So, as my mind was wandering as I put on the same looking close day-after-day, I started to think with Thanksgiving around the corner of how our brethren dressed. For instance, Pilgrims...it seems like every picture of a Pilgrim I see is a man wearing knickers, high-socks, pointy black shoes, a log-sleeve shirt buttoned all-the-way up to the top, and a hat with a belt around it. Just think if I showed up like this to a meeting!! Do you think they would take me seriously? Ha, probably not. This style slowly evolved, though most of our earliest Presidents even donned the high-sock, knicker look.

Women, it wasn't much better for you. Everything was pretty much covered up, and the dresses seemed to be overly fitted for someone whose job was to just raise the kids, clean the clothes, milk the cow, collect the eggs, and cook (yes, we've come a long way).

If we go back further, it's funny to see what the trend was for that period of time. Actually my Hey Nelly video does a good job of depicting thist: www.heynelly.com. If it was King James and his Knights in shining armor, or Neanderthal vs. Homo Sapiens wearing pretty much nothing, each period of time represented what the norm was for that specific period of time.

Let's just go back to the 50's and 60's when letter-men sweaters, playing chicken, tight jeans, keds, and parted hair were swell, or the 70's when bell-bottoms and discos were groovy, or the 80's when lightening lines, flat-tops, and roller-rinks were cool, or in the 90's when flannels, timberland boots, and tattoos were phat. We can't forget parachute pants or starter jackets either!!! Those were awesome. The 2000's, well, we've seen better decades, but things like social media, Apple, and the Patriots, have changed life as we know it! (how can 1-team win 3-Superbowls in 1-decade...c'mon!).

Now, if you've lived through any of these periods of time, which more than likely you have, take a second and remember those special moments...moments that bring a big smile to your face....moments that make you really proud and happy. Any coming back to you? Maybe it was a football game, graduation, a winning goal, your first kiss, a new best friend, or any time of great joy. Any coming back to you?

It seems when I think of these times, they always tend to be around a central event, a culmination. But the funny thing is, is that this central event seems so constant, like I could depend on it, no matter what. It didn't care if I was in my Bulls Starter jacket, or maybe for you, the extra line you shaved in your head, or the new video game you got, it was just so dependable. You could look forward to it without hesitation, yet the central event never changes. Do you follow me? Maybe it was your birthday, a wedding, a birth, or maybe and most especially, holidays (hey, it's Thanksgiving this week!)

Do any moments of joy come from any central events in your life?

I ponder what it is about holidays that brings us so much joy, and the more I think about, the more I feel like I have the answer. What's so cool about things like Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, 4th of July, is that no matter how hectic, discouraging, or mundane life is, these days bring moments of consistency into our lives. Actually, let me rephrase that. These days allow us to live in the moment. How many of us want days like Thanksgiving to end so we can get back to work the following Monday? Show of hands? Yea, not many. You see what these days do....actually, do you see what you let yourself do on these days? You let yourself live in the moment, just for that day, and never want to see the day end, because in that moment, so much joy is being experienced. Be it laughter, a backyard football game, your 3rd serving of turkey....I mean just talking about this bring a smile to my face (even chokes me up a little bit, admittedly).

I remember as a kid I would think: "I wish everyday was Christmas!!" Anyone else have the same wish....c'mon, anyone?? Ok.

You know what's so spectacular here? Is that the trend of the year doesn't matter. Who's playing on TV doesn't matter.

Days like Thanksgiving allow us to do what we truly yearn to do everyday.....just live in the moment, and be happy.....and content.....and loving....and full of joy and laughter.

I know for me, and most of the rest of you, days like these are fleeting and few and far between, but as we approach this Thanksgiving, and holiday season, let's collectively rediscover what it means to live in the moment, enjoy the day with family and friends, fill our bellies with homemade goodness, and......be thankful....for the moment.....because that's all that really matters

What if we did this everyday?

dream it, do it

I just got done watching this segment about the internet (on the internet), and how it is physical; that we can touch it.

Of course, this seems obvious, but you might have to admit that when thinking about the internet, one thinks - 'where the hell does it actually sit? I mean, I have a computer, and an internet browser, is that the internet?"

The interesting thing about this segment is that it talks about these 'hubs' of where different connections take place. Where most of the traffic in the world passes through. Isn't that funny/weird? That most of what I just typed, and what you are reading, passed through some 'hub' that connected my computer to the internet, then saved what I wrote to some server somewhere, and in turn, because you clicked a link, that server blasted off this particular group of information.

It then talked about how much of our 'systems' are setup very similarly...like networks....highways, flight patterns, shipping routes, etc. (check out the video here: http://vimeo.com/benmendelsohn/bundled)

The one thing they left out of this segment, was the power of the internet.

Do you know how powerful the internet is?

Actually, do you know how powerful all of the computers in the world are?

Just think about this for a second....if you combined all of the computers in the world....the one I am typing on, the one you are reading off of, the one that 'passes' all of our information around...there's literally billions of servers, and super-computers, and networks with fiber optic cabling, and high-speed connectivity....put these all together....do you know how powerful these are? Just take a guess of the power of all of this computing put together.....any guesses?

If you combined all of the processing power of every computer/server in all of the world, it doesn't even come close to the processing/computing power of 1 (ONE) human brain. Just think about that for a second....your brain is more powerful than the internet....it is more powerful than the technology that powers space shuttles and satellites...more powerful than the technology that powers our largest companies, institutions, and militaries....more powerful than every smartphone, iphone, tablet....ready for this....combined!!

Do you realize the power of what you have? Just read the above paragraph one more time....your brain...yes, your brain, not just some engineer's brain from MIT....your brain is more powerful, has more computing power, more processing power, than every single piece of technology in this world....combined!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

So, I was working out the other day doing my thing, and in Jenna's studio, there is a sign that says: Dream it, do it.

I just found it to be so powerful. Just think, with many brains working together, so much advancement has come about, and you have to believe that is the way it's meant to be...people's lives are being preserved more now than ever with advanced surgeries, and cures (yes, we still have a long way to go, but, advancement has brought us a long way), our ability to communicate is literally real-time. We can fly to one-end of the world to the other within 24 hours....all because someone dreamt it...and then did it. How cool is that?

You know what's even more cool? Their brain was no more powerful than yours.....they just decided they wanted to act on their dreams....in reality, that's what life comes down to....choice, and then action. There was many failures along the way, but with every sacrifice, a better advancement for humankind emerged. I don't think this can be doubted objectively.

My dream is to provide meaningful interactions for people who come from a similar background (teams, families, groups, etc.) and who went through like experiences involving sacrifice and advancement, together. I really dream and believe that the very open world we live in now can be honed, and leveraged for just you, and your closest ones. I don't think that's happening quite yet...it's still a little chaotic....would you agree? Updates, tags, tweets all over the place....all valuable, but not honed yet...still a little scattered. I want to change that.

What is your dream?

Do it.

handouts.....what are we waiting for?

It's pathetic....I have the same 3-4 places I go every week. Is the same true for you?

I mean it's really pathetic, and embarrassing because every time I go in, they know exactly what I want, how I want it, and have it ready.

That's the local Starbucks I go to (Dave goes to Starbucks? What a snob!)....the best staff I've ever seen.

So, I was in there today, and they're selling these new bracelets that in buying one, $5 goes to supporting job creation in America. Know anyone who needs a job?

We all do.

Let's back this up a little. Ever been to CVS, and they ask you to donate $1 to some cause just before you purchase? I get suckered into it every time, and I donate. However, in doing so, this is how I really feel when I see these things that guilt me into giving:

"Goddamit, just leave me alone! Stop milking me every chance you get...$1 is a lot of money to me these days, too, you know! Your charity isn't the only thing that needs money, assholes. Have you looked around? How about you give me a $1, you pricks!" And on, and on...

Do you feel the same? Do you really feel fulfilled when you give this $1, or does your conscience just feel better, and you can go on with your day? It's probably fair to say both, with a strong hint of "welp, my conscience is clear now, and that is all that really matters!!" Anyone? Me too.

So, we've all been there, and it's frustrating.

How about when your school asks you for money? Ha, same response?? I'm sure even more so if you're carrying a fat bill every month for the next 10 years to pay that education off.

It seems all of these institutions with a ton of money already, are looking to soak the people with no money...they're looking for hand-outs! It's funny to hear that our generation is just looking for handouts, yet every time we turn around, someone's milking us for this, or for that, or to pay this bill, or this student loan, etc. Or, your rent is ridiculous, the gas bill is robbing you, and doing it right in your face..your car payments suck, and dammit, why did I buy this house, my mortgage blows! Does this ring true?

So, there I was at Starbucks, and these bracelets were right in front of me. Again, to buy a bracelet was $5, and it went to creating jobs for people out of work.

Just before this, there was a kid outside holding up a sign that said, "Will work for food." He can't be more than 15....he's homeless, and his family is in shambles.

With this, my conscience kicked in, however that same guilty feeling actually didn't arise.

You know what feeling arose?

Compassion, hope, and selflessness.

Compassion....for people, who by the masses can barely pay their bills, send their kids to college at $50K/year, afford to put food on the table, pay for a family car, buy winter clothes. As much as people buy new things these days, there's 5x who won't even leave their houses anymore....because they're ashamed....of something that wasn't their fault (I don't care what anyone says, people have been screwed over). They feel down on themselves, because of the worthlessness that society and the economy has put onto them.

This isn't just the homeless or super poor people. These are everyday people, in every single town and city across America right now. Some may be coming off like they don't have these issues, but for the most part, people are really struggling to find meaning...to find hope....to find purpose...and to not feel worthless.

How many of you are experiencing this?

Maybe you have a job, but yet they are working you to the bone, and you haven't had a raise in 4-years, or it's been less than desirable, and you're still scrapping to get by, because that's what we're suppose to do, right? "Get a job, and climb that corporate ladder!!! Out hustle, be dedicated and work hard! You'll be the CEO someday!! TRUST ME!"...is that you? Are you satisfied?

Well, I'm not satisfied. Not in the least bit....but, I'm not going to sit back and complain. I'm going to make it happen. I'm going to be a positive change agent, because 'why not?'...I live once, and then the new replaces the old. I'm not going to wake-up and say "what's in it for me?", because, news-flash, there's nothing in it for you if you do not change the ways of society. We can't rely on 1-2 people to do it. WE NEED TO DO IT! What are we waiting for? This isn't about some protest. This is about creating opportunity for yourself. Committing to yourself everyday that you will be a positive change agent...even if that's contributing to a fund that helps people find work. Or if it's starting some new adventure, or business, or project you're passionate about, and in turn makes people's lives better. Yes, this requires action, not just screaming and yelling. The way of the world won't change, unless we change. Screw the leaders, you need to be a leader. You need to own up, and take chances, and go after what you really want to go after! Don't let yourself die on the vine in some shitty job....reflect, find your purpose, and go as hard as you can after it! That's what I vow to do.

I pray that we all start enacting change within our own worlds (mine included!) no matter how hard it is with the burdens we all carry (because we all do), and from that, the positive ripples will expand much further, and wider than the pain so many are experiencing right now. I've been known as Dave the football player, athlete, professional, yet, what am I doing to make people's lives better? In the end, that's all that matters.

What are we waiting for?